Cleo's Dating Blog

Making an Impression

Posted on: June 6, 2010

I love going for a good 6 mile run at the park by my apartment. Its relatively flat, frequented by many exercise fanatics, and has lots of tall trees (which helps shield against the death rays of the California summer sun). However, the other day I literally ran past a coyote… and I mean coyote as in the carnivorous animal, not the sexy bar dancing girls.

This coyote was skinny, alert, and obviously looking for its next meal. As I rounded the corner I saw a coyote no more then 20 feet away, mono y mono. I had never felt so alone and for a split second my heart skipped a beat. At this moment I scanned my brain for any Discovery Channel tips that address this type of  situation and remembered that animals can sense fear. Instead of turning around and fleeing like an underage drinker at a party when the cops come, I decided to be brave and continue running.

Since I am writing this post, intelligent readers will infer that I am still alive and unharmed. Wahoo! However this experience got me thinking…. if animals can sense fear, then surely people can too. And if people can sense fear, then I’m sure it is just as easy to sense other emotions such as insecurity, desperation, depression, lust, preoccupation, anxiety, boredom, etc. What emotions/intentions are you portraying?

I have many great friends who go out to bars and clubs with one main goal: to meet someone, to make out, or to “have a story to tell”. While all three of these things are fun, there is a fine line between having fun and being desperate (and desperate people are NOT attractive). On top of that, desperation tends to be the driving force behind poor judgment decisions made in order to find that quick hook up they’ve been looking for or that crazy story they have been dying to get attention for. For example, I have a friend of a friend who wanted a story to tell on her b-day. Since guys at LA bars are almost universally easy, it wasn’t hard for her to find a guy to go home with. The next morning she was shocked to find that a crazy rash had broken out on her face. To her disgust, upon going to the doctor, she was informed that her rash was caused by making out with a cannibal…. Besides making me nauseous, this story killed any future possibility of my participation in a one night stand, but more importantly, letting desperation determine my actions.

How do you know if you appear desperate, insecure, or preoccupied? Misinterpretations occur all the time during communication. The best ways to make sure you are being properly interpreted is by practicing self awareness and asking for feedback. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Are you constantly surveying the men (or women) around you in order to find someone you fancy? Checking out potential daters is not only acceptable, but encouraged- keeping your dating funnel full and colorful is very important. However, it becomes a problem when it keeps you from enjoying the company of your friends, from focusing on the present moment, or being anxious and disappointed when you don’t find your Prince Charming. If meeting someone new is a desire of yours, exuding desperation is not the way to go. People are not naturally drawn to others who are constantly searching for outward means of happiness (if someone is looking outwards, what could they possibly have to offer?).

Instead, enjoy your martini and the way it makes your lips tingle, enjoy chatting about the kardashians with your friends, enjoy the energy you feel after your spin class, and enjoy every minute that you are young, single, and beautiful. You will be surprised to see the lasting impression that you can make by simply having a genuine, happy demeanor.

2. What thoughts are going through your head as you talk to someone? Are you thinking about what to say next? Are you picturing them naked? Are you concerned with the way your hair looks or if its obvious you are wearing a padded bra? When you are talking to someone you should do one thing: LISTEN. You can make a great impression on someone if they feel that what they have to say is truly being heard and that they are making a genuine connection with you.

3. Are you an attention whore? No one likes someone who must be louder then everyone else, only talks about themselves, doesn’t pay attention to anyone else, and must be the center of attention.

4. How is your posture and eye contact? Do you slouch or avoid eye contact? These are all signs of insecurity aka baggage. No matter how attractive, people can only do charity for so long.

5. Are you always wasted? If so, this could symbolize an inability to handle your life maturely.

I can not tell you how many guys have told me weeks, months, years after they met me about how “beautiful” they thought I was and how they could tell I have a fun aura. Yes, I do have a unique look, but by no means a super model- more often then not, I look in the mirror and see all my imperfections and how I wish to change them. Yet everyday I remind myself that no one is perfect and the best way to increase my level of attractiveness is by having a magnetic personality. Here are some traits that are attractive and often hard to find in LA (this is my opinion: let me know what turns you on!).

– Being an active listener

– Being able to have fun without drugs or alcohol (believe it or not, it’s possible!)

– Being comfortable in your own skin (hard to do but my motto is fake it till you make it)

– Genuine concern for others (meaning you do NOT have a hidden agenda)

– Being able to hold an intelligent conversation

– Being able to have fun despite any circumstance

– Passion for unique interests or hobbies

– Realistic ambition (sorry Hollywood boys, but you can not expect a girl to believe that all aspiring movie producers will be successful…)

– Having morals (let’s not forget about these!)… You do not need to believe in waiting until marriage to have morals. Each person has a set of values that they hold close to their heart. Whether it be refusing to break up via text, being anti-smoking, holding one’s composure and respecting others during arguments, obeying the law, or anti-drinking until you black out and don’t remember who you had sex with, everyone’s morals are different, but its those who stick to their beliefs despite influence from others that are truly attractive.

People are naturally drawn to these traits, whether consciously or not. Use these to practice connecting with people on a deeper level then “OMG we both like lemon drop shots?!” and “I love my Dior sunglass too!” Take a risk and be a little vulnerable. You may not have instant results, but by being genuine and full of life, you will make a bigger impact on the lives of people around you then you realize.

Thinking of you,

Cleopatra

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