Cleo's Dating Blog

Miss Independent

Posted on: June 11, 2010

Hello Babes,

I hope you enjoyed my last post on being genuine and enjoying the moment. If I am ever reincarnated as a monk, these are definitely two mantras I would focus on. I used to always be that gal that would sugar coat my true opinions out of concern for the feelings of the people around me. However, I’ve learned this creates boundaries in relationships as true feelings are bottled up inside and can eventually be self-destructive. I have lost many great friends simply because we went so long without being open with each other that it became impossible to resolve any conflicts.

With that said, I have been having some trouble being honest with myself lately. As I go throughout my day balancing work with play, responsibility with spontaneity, and adulthood with immaturity, I still sometimes miss the days when my mom was there to make me dinner and my dad could handle all emergencies involving spiders and boo-boos. I miss being taken care of. As a single, young woman, adjusting to the Me, Myself, and I lifestyle can be lonely.

My dilemma comes when these feelings of loneliness and wanting to be taken care contradict with my self-proclaimed Miss Independent lifestyle. Am I still an independent woman even though I long for companionship and stability (from a man)?

As Kelly Clarkson wrote in her song Miss Independent,

Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no

Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne

So, by keeping her heart protected
She’ll never, ever feel rejected

Kelly, you are right, rejection is scary! Relying on someone to make you happy, trusting someone to be there for you, and voluntarily being vulnerable is scary! It is never comfortable to admit when you feel unable to control your feelings or feel like you “need” someone else.

I recently had this struggle in Las Vegas of all places. As I walked down the strip, squished between groups of bachelorette parties and wasted Jersey Shore wannabes, I couldn’t help but notice the other, less advertised Vegas scene- the beautiful couples enamored by each other’s company, enjoying fine dining and the romantic Bellagio fountains as if the sweaty, horny, 21 year olds didn’t even exist.

Even though I longed to be the “wined-and-dined girl in love”, I did my best to clear my mind of my daydreams and focus on the present. After all, I was in a wild, new city, with my sexy single friends, and no plans except to have a good time (the details of which I will leave out, hehe).

One thing I will share is what I learned from an interesting gay, Canadian couple that I met at a Roulette table (just kidding about the gay part! :p). However I did meet two men who left quite an impression on me. We started chatting and, as usual, I started talking about my blog (and my wonderful readers). I briefly explained some of my dating philosophies and touched on some current dating issues that I had been contemplating. Since I was in Vegas and four bloody mary’s in, I was very open with my thoughts and could feel myself sharing some vulnerable feelings. Although I am usually very guarded, I wanted to see what kind of response I could get from complete strangers if I was the first to open up and take the conversation to a deeper level. Not to say, however, that I was nervous about being made a fool- in my last “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship, being candid about my deepest feelings did not work to my favor.

So I proceeded to tell these men, who must have been at least 10 years older, about my desire to be an independent, working lady yet how I continually find myself fighting to ignore my loneliness. I also discussed how, despite being lonely and longing to be taken care of, I realize that I am still young and learning and that all I really want is someone there to learn with me and thus, take away the loneliness. Instead of looking at this half-drunk girl in her early-twenties who has yet to even learn what dating is, these men listened and brought up an interesting point that I haven’t stopped thinking about. First one asked me, “Do you date older men?” Although this sounded a lot like a pick-up line, being in the honest mood that I was in, I blatantly answered “no” and explained that I want to date someone similar in age so we can learn and grow together so that I do not feel like I have to play catch-up with my dating maturity (true). He then replied, “Well don’t you want to date someone that can be there for you and help you along the way?” Maybe it’s just me, but this really struck me by surprise- to me his response sounded like poetry. I could still learn, grow, and be independent, but I didn’t have to be alone or feel like a one-man army in a war against myself; I could have help. (Now, it’s just a matter of finding the right helper.)

Its this genuine concern for the well-being of others that I find difficult to uncover in LA. Maybe Canada is the place to be?  These men also wholeheartedly believed that my passion for writing could one day turn into more then a free blog that is read buy 15 people (at the most)-  and at that point, they had never even read it. “A hobby is how it all starts.”

Basically, I love going new places and talking with people because there is so much to discover. I am always amazed by the response I get when I am open yet confident. By making others comfortable in expressing their thoughts, I learn so much about the goodness in people across the globe and am enlightened by the different ways people think and express themselves. I wonder if I would be as eager to chat with strangers if I was not single. So for now, I will embrace my single life, live for what makes me happy, work at having a magnetic personality, and keep learning from everyone around me. Thank you to everyone that keeps me on my toes and gives my life flavor. Yum yum!

Hugs and Kisses,

Miss Cleo

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1 Response to "Miss Independent"

Has anyone found a good std dating site that is free to sign up and has lots of personal ads? Let me know. Thanks, Carol

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