Cleo's Dating Blog

Meeting the Right People

Posted on: June 27, 2010

I live for good conversation. I would say that I am “lucky” to have a life filled with people that share this same interest, but in reality, I chose to surround myself with people who keep me learning and expanding my mind. Thank you for participating.

With that said, it is my honest belief that you are the sole determinant of who you meet and who you interact with. The common denominator of all your relationships- platonic or not- is you. I hear these sayings all the time: “but I never meet any hot guys” or “every guy I meet is a douche bag” or “I’m so lonely.” Regardless of whether or not these statements are true, you are the only person in your life that has any power to change them.

1. Where are you? Take a look at the places you frequent throughout your week. Do you go to the same bar with your same friends with your same “I’m too good for you so I won’t even acknowledge your presence” attitude? Logically, why would doing the same thing yield different results? For example, you are not going to eat 3 cookies at 10pm every night and wonder why you aren’t skinny… and you’re not going to call and text a guy six times in a row every weekend and wonder why he does not want to hang out with you. Often people forget to think logically when it comes to meeting guys and instead rely too much on “chance” or “luck”. Your life is what you make it.

In the past two weeks I have been hit on by three new guys simply by eating my lunch outside in a public place by myself for half an hour. Although not my direct intention, sitting in a new place has increased my meeting-guys-ratio sizeably. Also, by sitting alone, I allow myself to be much more approachable. It is a lot easier for a guy to approach a solo girl (or guy) when they need not fear being rejected by the girl (or guy) AND their friends.

If you want to meet new people, it is imperative to put yourself in new social setting. I went to a pool party where I knew almost no one and thus met new people, went to a charity event where socializing with random people was encouraged, and am planning to join a running group to meet people with a common interest of mine. Good. However, time is of the essence so you cannot commit to going to every social event that presents itself. As with your sushi restaurants and hair salons, you must be picky about where you go. Do you want to meet young professionals like yourself? Then don’t go to the Sigma Chi bbq at the local college. Do you want to meet single guys? Then don’t expect to meet anyone at your weekend work function. Do you want to meet people with money? Location, location, location.

Be wise about what situations you put yourself in.

2. Who are you with? Are your current friends the types of people you want to meet? If the answer is no, then you may need to do a little recycling. If you want to meet mature, drama-free people, make sure your current friends are. Whether it is true or not, people you meet will judge not only you, but who your friends are as well. I would take it as a red flag if I met a guy that had friends that cheated on their girlfriends, didn’t have jobs, or didn’t shower. It would be unwise to ignore these instinctual feelings. (Side note: Never ignore your instincts).

Regardless of what someone’s impression of your friends may imply about you, more importantly, who your friends are can shape what types of experiences you have, how much you will learn, and may ultimately determine what type of lifestyle you have in the future. Connections and networking are important. If you want to one day drive a BMW and have a nice house and travel to exotic countries, hanging out with stoner bums that still live with their parents may not be the fastest way to reach your goals.

Now, I am not saying that you should go around judging all your friends and start thinking that you are better then them. Although easier said then done, I am trying never to think that I am “better” then someone, merely different. Being a judgmental person is one of the quicker ways of becoming unattractive.

Instead, I heard this saying a couple weeks ago and it applies to what I mean about choosing to surround yourself with the right people.

“I think it happens to everyone as they grow up, you find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.” -unknown

It is okay to grow apart. It is natural and healthy. But (and I speak for myself as well) it is hard to say goodbye to relationships and friendships that in your mind, were meant to last forever. However, in reality, most things do not last forever. This may sound cynical, but you can choose to accept this as reality and create new, fantastic relationships and memories or hold on to the past and hinder your growth as an adult.

Take life by the reigns and steer it where you want to go. Have a pure heart and choose where you spend your time and who you spend your time with wisely. Remember, I am always here if you need help.



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