Cleo's Dating Blog

Does Age Matter?

Posted on: August 31, 2010

Due to popular request, this post covers the concept of age and its relevance in dating. Does Age Matter?

When I was younger I always thought that the answer to this question was, “yes, duhh.” However, as the years seem to fly by (*tear*) so has my opinion on this issue. I can remember a distinct moment when my unwavering “yes” began to tumble .

About a year ago I started a new job. This meant new coworkers. One of my coworkers was a 25-year-old hottie who had been dating a guy for over 3 years. Naturally curious, Cleo wanted to know details. Long story short, turns out he is over 10 years older! My first thought was “yikes.” But since I try my best to avoid casting unfair, premature judgment on people, I wanted to meet him and give him a chance.

Have you ever spent hours on a puzzle and you just can’t get the godforsaken cloud pieces to fit? Well seeing them together was like finding the last piece- such a beautiful combination.  That was when I realized that it is not necessarily age that matters,  but rather someone’s maturity level or “inner” age.

Everyone is different and everyone matures at a different level. I think of “inner” age as the age someone most identifies with. I, for example, believe I have an “old-soul” and my maturity level is probably three to five years older than my actual age.  I enjoy hobbies, conversations, and responsibilities that vary from what most individuals my age enjoy. I feel most comfortable around people who are older and generally have trouble staying stimulated with those younger (there are exceptions however, my bff is a few years younger… but he has an old soul as well).

I got my first major taste of “inner” age at the beginning of 2010. Since dating is a journey and trying new things is important in determining your true interests, I dated two men (at different times) at the beginning of the year who were over 8 years older- my largest gap (so far hehe). I was tired of the lack of maturity, commitment, financial establishment, and creativity of boys (yes, boys) my age. Well… somehow I managed to find two of the most immature older men. After a few dates, I asked both men what they believe their true, “inner” age was and they were both at least 6 years younger at heart. Being immature is normal and acceptable… just not for me or the men I date. I’m sorry but if I am going to date a significantly older man, he better own a car, rent more than just a sh*tty apartment, and not dress like a high school senior that wants to be a gangsta. Peace out homie.

The Situation from the reality show Jersey Shore is a prime example of a guy with a much lower maturity level. Yes, he makes bank, but being 30 and still getting wasted, banging girls, and being annoyingly irresponsible is just not attractive to a classy lady.

Now that I think about it, at least three additional men this year that I have dated identify their “inner” age as being years younger than their actual. Maybe this is a Los Angeles thing? Time to move! hehe.

Now you may be thinking, why is maturity important? Isn’t dating just about having fun and enjoying the moment? Surrounding yourself with individuals of equal or greater maturity levels helps you to grow and mature yourself. Mature individuals also tend to be better and more reliable friends and boy friends. Especially as young adults, hanging with the wrong crowd could drastically shape your future. One avid blog follower recently asked, “Why is there often such a disconnect between people’s actions compared to their words?” I believe the main problem is a lack of maturity.

Before I continue, I fear that my last statement will cause readers to believe that those who are slower developers/less mature are in turn less intelligent or less important people. That is entirely untrue. Cleo’s followers must always remember to treat all people with respect no matter their maturity level… but that does not mean you need to date them!

Lack of maturity yields a lack of responsibility. Side effects of a lack of responsibility are frequent occurrences of flakiness, continually making empty promises, selfishness, moodiness, irrationality and/or rudeness. Basically these types of people:

I could probably write a whole post on why Mel Gibson is not What Women Want, but I shall refrain. Women want consistency. If you are going to be an a**hole or a d*bag, then be one all the time so we know for sure. If you are going to promise something, then follow through. If you say you miss someone, then act like it consistently. Do not pretend to be something you are not or to feel something that you don’t.

On the other hand, if you notice that you have a tendency to treat people in varying cycles depending on the day or pull of the moon, reevaluate your own maturity level. You do NOT have to be mature. Just don’t act in a way that is contradicting. Know you’re own “inner” age.

People are people and will forever make mistakes. The best way to limit making mistakes is by being honest with yourself first, and then those around you. If you are stressed out with your life be upfront about it, don’t fake calmness and then suddenly catch Turrets. No one will want to be around someone who makes them feel as though they are walking on eggshells. You will be 38, renting an apartment, still single, and fat because you turned to food to make you happy. Real happiness is in growing, learning the ways of maturity, taking accountability for your actions, and thus fostering quality relationships. If you practice, you can be confident in your ability to be a well-balanced, centered adult and know that if a relationship ends, you were honest and thus have nothing to regret.

Most importantly, if you are dating someone who shows signs of being on a different maturity level then you would hope, take note of your gut feeling and try not to ignore it. A potential dater’s age is not a good determinant for how maturely they will treat you. Instead, look at their actions and how well they correlate with their words. The larger the discrepancy, the lower the maturity.

Good Luck!

Much love,

Cleopatranista

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1 Response to "Does Age Matter?"

I really liked this post because it relates in almost every way to a situation I was dealing with for the past 3 1/2 months. What I want to bring up deals with what you said about “the disconnect between people’s actions, compared to their words”. This person knew all the right things to say, but when it came down to really “showing” that he felt what he was saying, he didn’t do it, and he had all the time in the world to show something! Especially being almost 2000 miles away from each other because of school, both parties really need to put in effort and RECIPROCATE, not just take, but give as well. And just like you said, it really boils down to maturity, and giving what is really important to you (or so you claim), high priority, and making sure the other person in the relationship really know and believe you care about them and you trust one-another completely.

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