Cleo's Dating Blog

Why I Love Heartache

Posted on: September 3, 2010

I know the title is misleading. Of course I would love being “in love” (if that ever happens), but there are some pluses to heartache that I do not want to forget to acknowledge.

Poor teddy. Anyway… heartache. We will all go through it at one point, some more than others. We will all cope differently. We will all count down the seconds until the heartache goes away. It’s so human nature of us.

But how many of us actually look back on these moments of suffering as positive experiences? I’m going to assume that most people reading this are thinking “Oh I am definitely a the-glass-is-half-full type of person.” That is great and I hope that is true, but I believe there is a fine line between wanting to believe something vs. truly believing it.

For example: I want to believe that I have no regrets. I want to look back on my life and know that I am where I am supposed to be and that I have made all the right decisions. In reality however, I do have regrets. There are things I wish I could go back and redo- sometimes just to see what could have happened. But wanting this is a waste of time and so I move forward.

I want to believe that I love the way I look. Other people do so then I must, right? When I am stressed out, I want to believe that I am not. When I’m fighting a cold, I want to believe that I’m completely healthy. When I eat ice cream, I want to believe it won’t show on my thighs.

What are things I know are true? I know I’m a good person. I know I have great friends. I know I try my best. I know that even if I have regrets that I will make the best of a situation. Yay. Writing these made me happy (you should try!).

Ultimately, whether wanting or knowing something, if either one improves your outlook on life, then I encourage both. However, a solid belief is more unwavering and long-lasting than a want. Therefore I am trying to convert my wants to solid truths.

Going to back to heartache, sometimes I look at heartache as one huge mistake. A complete waste of good energy and time. I just cross my fingers and hope that the heartache won’t emerge as wrinkles on my forehead.

(I want to believe that I’m not rambling right now, hehe.) I want to believe that I was “meant” to experience pain and that in the long run it will help me to learn to appreciate the good- that is what everyone says will happen right?

So here is how I have converted my wanting heartache to be beneficial, to an actual belief:

1. Of course, experiencing heartache helps you relate to others. Challenges bring people together and gives them something to bond over. I have recently made a wonderful new friend because of heartache.

2. Being able to relate to others gives you a chance to prove how good of a friend you are. Whether you can put yourselves in someone else’s shoes does not mean you will. How will you use your experiences to help others? Will you even extend this kindness to strangers or people you just met? However, before you go about bestowing your wisdom across the world, here are some common mistakes to avoid:

– Do not assume you know more about someone else’s situation than they do.

– Do not try to “one-up” everyone as if everything you experienced is harder or more challenging. Whether or not this is true is not important.

– Do not say things just to be nice. A true friend knows how to deliver constructive criticism that is easy to swallow.

– Do not force someone to open up. Not everyone wants to talk and sometimes all you need to do is just be there.

3. Most importantly, heartache shows you what type of person you are. When under abnormal amounts of stress, disappointment, betrayal, confusion, etc. people can easily react irrationally and even more easily, find ways to justify why being irrational is okay. I know this because I have been there. “Well he deserves that I update my status to, All men I have ever dated are douche-bags because his feelings changed and I thought he loved me.” “I am entitled to drunk text and call him and tell him how much I hate him because he hurt me.” “I’m allowed to hook up with other guys in front of him because he shouldn’t care anymore.”

Hmmm, in hindsight, not so classy. Stay classy Los Angeles.

Often when I feel hurt, I justify my actions, consciously or not, by how other people have acted in similar situations. Well she was in my situation and she gossiped for two years before she was over him, so I can too. Or she treated her rebound man like he didn’t matter because she was still hurting, so I can too. I know this sounds crazy, but when I used to watch the Bad Girls Club I started to notice my patience level was drastically lower and I became almost as dramatic and confrontational as they are. I have since replace reality TV in my life with yoga.

What are your true colors?

Cleo decided to take her most recent experience with heartache as a challenge to act differently. How can I most surprise myself? What are the most mature and rational actions, words, or thoughts that I can have? I focused on remembering that no one is perfect, that in the long run of life one man not loving me makes no difference, feelings of heartache are never permanent, and that this is my time to grow and test my strength. It is when I have this mind-set that I never have any regrets.

Getting to this point is hard and staying this way is even harder. Here are some things to help:

– Surround yourself with like-minded people

– Do things that make you happy

– Go out and celebrate being young and beautiful

– Open up to your friends

– Write your thoughts and goals down

– Remember you are not alone in how you feel

– Plan things in the future that give you something to look forward too

– Do things that make you feel sexy

Since we are approaching Autumn, a great way of having something to look forward to is planning a sexy night out with your friends for Halloween. I know my coworkers and I are trying to limit our Doritos intake for the occasion. Lindsay Lohan in the movie Mean Girls said it best: “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girl can say anything about it.” Perfect! That is why I recommend http://www.elegavenue.com.

This is a site actually run by a friend of mine and features affordable costumes that make men and lesbians drool. I’m not trying to be a salesman or start advertising, but us young people got to help each other out. I know I appreciate when my friends promote my blog because I put my heart into this. I am returning the favor and trying to decide between being a Cougar or Layover Lucy or Private Pin Up for Halloween… help?

As always, thank you for reading and giving me feedback. I challenge you all to step above the social norm the next time someone hurts you. Why not act more mature, admirable, and classy than anyone else? Doing so will further reinforce why any man without you is a man at a loss.

Love you so much,

Cleo

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2 Responses to "Why I Love Heartache"

Because without the bitter, baby, the sweet ain’t as sweet. – Brian Shelbi

I love heartaches as much none-heartaches :)… a life without it is boring. You should be lucky to have those heartaches than none!

My glass is ALWAYS half full!

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