Cleo's Dating Blog

Like a Rock

Posted on: December 5, 2010

Despite the warm, toasty feelings of the holiday season, I find myself realizing that I’m not as lovey-dovey as I always thought I was.  I used to classify myself as the “hopeless romantic” type. Much like my best friends Jennifer Aniston and Selena Gomez, the thought of romantic getaways, reliable companionship, being swept off my feet, and every other fuzzy feeling associated with love, all helped to create my perfect day dream. Just Prince Charming and I taking on the world!

This past month, however, it feels as if the Grinch has stolen my heart and replaced it with a rock. I still have feelings, I still care about friends and family, I am still in touch with my emotions. Yet, when it comes to men, my heart seems impenetrable, skeptical, and uninterested. I don’t feel like cuddling, answering my phone, giving out my number, or “making time for a brotha”. I don’t want to bring a date to my company holiday party, exchange Christmas gifts with a significant other, or invite a man upstairs. I don’t even like compliments as much as I used to nor do I want to respond to “I want you” texts at 3 in the morning.  Is there something wrong with me? I hope I don’t get coal in my stocking!

Here is my theory as to why I feel this way: After a long, eventful year of dating, I am exhausted by the standard courtship techniques used by most men. I’m speaking in generalizations, but men are initially way too aggressive. Is peer pressuring me into giving you my number really something to be proud of? I can’t tell you how many guys have failed in first being able to hold a decent conversation before bombarding me with the necessity of having my 7 digits. What is there to entice me to speak with you again? Sadly, I’m now at the point where bribing me with a nice smile and a free dinner is just not enough to spark interest anymore. I want to know what type of person you are before I devote a few hours of my limited free time. I’d rather spend time doing poor people things, like watching movies at home, with someone I’m comfortable with than being wined and dined by a man who makes every excuse to invade my personal space.

When I reflect on this past year or two, there have only been a few men who have really captured my attention… and oddly enough, they all have similar characteristics.

1. They are “nice” guys. I have always been a sucker for the nice guy who is a little shy and cautious at first. Although still confident, they are wary in making any initial “moves”. They observe me, converse with me, and try to gauge my intentions. The key is, they take their time. Once assured, the compliments come out and I am almost instantly swept off my feet by how genuine and down to earth they are.

Unfortunately, it tends to be these nice guys that hurt my feelings the most. Their genuine eyes, sappy need for cuddling, and devotion melt my heart of rock into marshmallow. Marshmallow can be pretty vulnerable.

2. They don’t have money. For some reason, the men that I have really become attached to are not the ones who drop a couple hundred dollars on a Tuesday night dinner, make proposals of vacation getaways to the Bahamas, or drive a sleek BMW. Instead they like to cook me dinner, watch movies, and have good conversations. They like to call me just to talk and with no time agenda. Talking to me everyday is not a chore but a desire. Oh isn’t it nice to feel important?

3. They are committed. Even before the “relationship” talk, these men show strong signs of loyalty, interest, and trustworthiness. Although not overly attached, I never question if  I am being played. (However, this heightens the pain if I actually am being made into a fool- but that is another topic altogether). These men encourage frequent communication to the point where I never question whether I am calling/texting too much. Thus, there are lower levels of insecurity in the relationship from the beginning.

Most men that approach me are not like this, or at least do not seem to be. It is such a turn off when a guy automatically assumes that I want them on me. Puh-lease. Be a gentleman, take some time to gain my trust, and then see where it goes from there. If you are a hit-it and quit-it type of guy, then after 2 minutes you should realize that I am not the girl for you.

Let me know if there are any people out there who can relate to my beating stone of a heart. I hope i’m not alone!

Take Care,
Cleo

xoxo

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1 Response to "Like a Rock"

Hey Dr. Scrooge! This post is honest and universal. You really hit on a human condition here. While, I’m not 100% sure which group I fall into (naughty or nice), I recognize that your being true to your instincts. From a biological perspective, that’s as good as you can ask of yourself. Rather than a rock, maybe your heart is more like an exclusive party…and you’ve recently employed a stricter guest list. Just a thought.

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