Cleo's Dating Blog

Gender Roles- Part 1

Posted on: January 12, 2011

How many ladies or gays out there like being approached by men? After all, it is a compliment to your appearance, if nothing else. It can add excitement to your day, act as a good story to tell… sometimes even a good laugh.

There are certain circumstances in which I like being “hit on” and others which I strongly do not.

1. I like being within my comfort zone. This means, the approach must not be too aggressive. What exactly does this mean? 1. Do not overly invade my personal space, especially if my body language signals otherwise (i.e. I am not touching you back, I am leaning away, I am not making eye contact, I am looking at other men… the list goes on). 2. If you ask for my number more than once, that obviously means I do not want to give it to you. If you think peer pressure works, sure it does, but then I will just put you in my phone book as “stalker” or “creeper” and will not answer anyway. Thus you may have won the battle, but lost the war.

2. I prefer daytime over nighttime . There is nothing quite as annoying as a drunk man trying to cover up his lust with “charm.” Often excessively drunk men (or women, for that matter) do not realize that they smell musty, invade personal space, say obnoxious things, do not understand the concept of no, and are as easy to read as an open book. That is why I prefer making chit-chat before the booze takes over. As a general rule, if it is past 1am and you have been drinking, do not bother introducing yourself to me.

3. Respect is key. Being argumentative, insulting, arrogant, or dbag-like is not a good way to get my attention- at least not in a positive way.

4. No strings attached. If we just met, I do not want to be bombarded with calls/texts, “when are we gonna kick it?” questions, or requests for my picture.

Overall, if you are a modest, decent human being, you should have no problem avoiding these issues. One thing I do wish more men would work on is understanding the difference between when a girl is just being polite and when she is actually interested (but that is another post altogether).

I am not sure when it was decided that men must make the approach and women must reciprocate, but I believe the times may be changing (slowly)! I for one am glad because the whole waiting game is not very fun. See the cartoon below:

Women do this all the time! Trust me, I would know- I used to be pro at it. Ladies, why not take the reigns? I have spent some time practicing my “game” on men around the country and here is what I have found:

Women are seldom ever rejected. Why?  Because men are generally easy (sorry, men). It is such a nice change of pace for them that they embrace the idea of a woman taking control.

It shows confidence. A confident woman is sexy.

You have a higher chance of getting what you want. Now instead of being victim to the actions of others, you can take control of your destiny. You may end up finding that his overbite is unbearable, his sense of humor is dry, or he lives with his parents, but at least you tried and put your best foot forward. No regrets there. As a good friend once said, “you are more likely to look back on life and regret the things you do not do, rather than the things that you do.”

You are more likely to find the good ones. This theory in the works yet, it has proven to be true for me, more often than not. Typically, the more genuine, honest, trustworthy men have had a chance at love before. As the sad story of finding love goes, these men have most likely been hurt before as well. They are now at the point where putting in effort to meet new females is not a top priority on their To Do list. Thus, expecting a man like this to approach you simply because you give him extra eye contact will keep you holding your breath for longer than is bearable. You may have the most beautiful smile and cunning wit, but to them, all women are made of similar, devilish ingredients. (The caution here is that you must be careful of the ones that are too hurt, too broken, or too damaged. After all, we are not here for charity work.)

How do you successfully approach a man? Here is the abridged version: The key is to practice a lot and be yourself. Focus on the other person and less on yourself. Do not over analyze… and have fun with it! The more you try different approaches, the faster you will find what works for you. Being accepting of the fact that inevitably that some men will respond favorably, and some will not, yet have the courage to keep trying despite the outcome. Trust me, you will like the results!!

Happy Hunting,

Cleo

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