Cleo's Dating Blog

Always Be Closing

Posted on: February 1, 2011

“Put that coffee down. Coffee is for closers.” I am not sure if I ever would have seen the movie, Glengarry Glen Ross, if it were not for my California Real Estate class in college. I typically only watch movies with men in suits if they are hot men in suits. However, this movie was actually hilarious and practical. About the tumultuous, back-stabbing industry of real estate, viewers can easily see how manipulative money-hungry salespeople can be.

In the movie, Alec Baldwin acts as the slave driver. Through intense verbal abuse, he attempts to motivate his salespeople into closing deals. “We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize?… Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired.” Despite any and all code of ethics being left at the door, we could learn a thing or two about relationships from this movie.

Although the correlation may not be blatantly clear, dating and being a high pressure salesperson are oddly related. How? Because in the end, we are our own salespeople. We all want to close the deal. However, the way we interpret what “the deal” is, may be different. Whether your goal is a relationship, to get laid, to get presents, to get phone numbers, to get free drinks, or to get attention, we all have varying conscious or subconscious motives. For example, if I am motivated to get a free drink, I know exactly what it takes to accomplish this. Initiate conversation, smile, lean in close, laugh at his (or her) jokes, hint at being thirsty, etc, etc… Deal closed.

A short-term goal is a lot easier to accomplish than a long-term goal. Thus, closing the deal on a relationship is much more difficult than closing the deal on getting a phone number, for example. When a goal requires a time commitment, the screening process is increasingly more rigorous, the likelihood of cooperation by the other party is much more challenging, and assessing progression toward reaching the goal is much more ambiguous. So, how can you help yourself close the deal on a relationship? Read the Bible…. but if you prefer not to, I will try to answer this question in less than 60 testaments.

1. Be patient. This commandment is mostly for your own well-being. Closing the deal with the wrong person is far worse than being single. So be patient my grasshoppers! You will know if you have found the right person if you follow your instincts.

2. Be brave. One of the main goals of starting this blog was to help me to be brave- to do things I normally would not (and it is working!). I am learning to be candid about my feelings/thoughts and to address issues as they come up (instead of holding in emotions). I am learning to ask for feedback straight from the man-source himself. I am learning to take the initiative in making the first move- initiating the first conversation, being the first to confess an emotion, being the first to do a surprise act of kindness, being the first to admit wanting a relationship. However, the key is not the brave act itself, but the attitude behind it. It is possible to be brave and needy or brave and stupid. What you want is to be brave and confident. Thus, you must accept nothing in return. If you do something nice for someone, do not expect them to shower you with gratitude and attention. Have a pure heart. If you do something brave, be proud simply of your accomplishment and how you are growing more comfortable in your own skin. Do not be discouraged if someone does not respond as you would hope- this may just mean you do not know the person as well as you thought or that you are not a great match, after all.

3. Be cool. You will not close every deal, thus you must be fine with this. And it is imperative that you jump back up and try again. However, if you are “cool” all the time, your chances of failure are much lower. As a friend once told me, “the key to getting a guy to be comfortable to be in a relationship is just to be the coolest girl ever.” Let him go out with his friends without feeling like he has to check in. Do not gossip and complain about everything. Let small arguments go and do not bring them back up again. Give compliments; tell him how he turns you on. Go on top.

I need to make a request. Ladies, please do me a favor and stop being so possessive and clingy… you are ruining my chances of a relationship! I swear the last three men I wanted to have a serious relationship with are/were deathly frightened of having a controlling, domineering girlfriend that I almost had no chance!! If you feel the urge to run his schedule and his life, there is a serious trust issue and/or you seriously need some goals and hobbies. Keeping him home on a Saturday is not going to fix either of those problems. Men need to know that not all women are the same.

Just be cool all the time.

4. Be creative. Keep things fresh. As I mention in my “About” section, when it comes to dating (or life in general), how can you do the same things over and over but expect different results? If you get bored in relationships, do something different, something wild. Take shots together on a Monday night for no reason. Text something more interesting than “good morning” when you wake up. Think of a pet name less generic than “babe.” If something is bothering you, instead of getting all heated and sassy, take a different approach. Joke about it, pamper him or her with kisses and bring up the issues in a cute way, use bribes. There are many ways of resolving conflicts other than through arguing. Get jealous in a playful way instead of a bitchy way.

5. Be irresistible. Aim at being someone who is hard or impossible to say no to. Sell yourself! Put your game face on and go after what you want. Be sexy, be intelligent, be caring, be amazing. How do you know if it is working? Simple… listen, be curious, and ask questions. Give your love interest no reason not to want to be with you. A little manipulation is okay, hehe.

I hope you find this post helpful and inspiring to go out there and close the deal that you want. Yet, do not forget to respect each other and be honest- karma can be merciless.

Happy Hunting,

Cleo, Goddess of Interhuman Connection and Harmony

 

 

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