Cleo's Dating Blog

Feeling Stuck

Posted on: March 22, 2011

Being “stuck” sucks. Stuck in traffic sucks. Stuck at work sucks. Stuck in a bad relationship sucks. Stuck running the LA marathon in the rain sucks (thank god that was not me!). Stuck just sucks.

What about being stuck on a man (or woman)? Now, that really sucks! I would rather be stuck on Wilshire Blvd everyday than be stuck on a man (well, I do that anyway). It is one of the most annoying things when a man I would love to forget (at least temporarily) keeps running through my mind and does not leave- he just camps out. As if forcing me to relive his smile, his eyes, and his feel, my mind does not give me a break! When this occurs, we women tend to resort to talking… non stop. Like an avalanche.

Is there a cure? Some might impulsively answer, “alcohol.” If this is your initial reaction to heartache, be careful! I find that most, or all, of the most embarrassing, angry, or crazy things I do stem from unhappiness mixed with alcohol. Instead, try these things:

1. Build a Support System. My friends are the best! I am so glad that I put the time and energy in to picking only the most beautiful, genuine, wise, understanding, funny, and accessible friends. When I feel like an idiot, my network of girls and boys is just a text away. This makes venting so much easier and their words can usually prevent me from making a fool of myself (although I have a natural knack at doing so anyway). Sometimes it takes a good friend to make you realize that you are prettier than you feel, you are desirable, and that you really will find better. Good friends keep you from feeling lonely, make you laugh, and help release you from the cage of your own thoughts. Oh how miserable life would be without friend-love.

2. Go out. From personal experience, getting dressed up, grabbing a couple girls, and letting the men drool over you helps so much. I probably met between 5 to 10 men over the weekend that were fun, sweet, and made me feel cute. I may not ever want to talk to any of them again, but it was a nice feeling to realize that I have not lost my swag. A good girlfriend mentioned to me this weekend that, “The best way to get over a guy is to get under another.” I laughed. I am not sure if this works for me because disappointing sex makes me feel worse, but if you’re safe and you think this would help you, then go for it. At the least, have a drink or two, relax, and just laugh.

3. Flirt. Flirting is innocent and fun. Flirting will allow you to keep your options open and could position you to find a great rebound man… or maybe even a great man to keep around. Be wary of who you actually chose to date, however. There is nothing quite like a bad date to get you missing your ex and feeling sad.

4. Cardio. When I feel down, it is hard for me to get out of bed. I lay there, staring at the wall, and day-nightmare (I’m not sure if that is a word but saying day dream would not feel right). Lounging in a bed of anxiety, I have no motivation to do anything nor do I have any ideas of something to do. I just do not want to move. Thus, cardio is the last thing on my mind…. do it anyway! The endorphins released during exercise, the sweat, and the feeling of accomplishment is a great outlet for the pent up frustration. Plus, its not too difficult to find some eye candy at the gym, *wink*.

5. Vacation. If possible, go on vacation! A change of scenery and a new adventure is one of the best distractions. Meet new people, try new things, and expand your horizons to the world around. Do it for yourself and for no one else.

6. Avoidance. I usually try not to avoid anything. Growth is more effective when you address issues and resolve conflicts… but while you are trying to get over a past love interest, avoid him or her. There is no good in seeing their face. Avoid texting or calling. Be selfish with your time.

It is also wise to avoid excessive eating or drinking. Don’t let someone who has hurt you emotionally to also hurt you physically.

7. Patience and discipline. It is life to not get everything you want, whenever you want it. Good things take time and great things take pretty much forever. There is no quick fix for quality love. It’s hard, but it’s life.

8. Be yourself. When I want a relationship to work, I analyze my actions a lot and the concurrent message that they send. And then I wonder if I think too much (because men tend to tell me that). So for a moment, I begin to doubt myself. Maybe I do over analyze? Maybe I need to care less? Then I finally realize, if I am going to be myself, that means I will always care and I always think. I will always be a sweetheart. The only truly devastating thing to lose in a relationship is yourself.

Of course, balance is key. If your thoughts are hurting you, then make an effort to control them. Being self aware and self critical is good… just never forget to be you. If you feel like crying, then do it. If you feel angry, accept it. If you can’t help being hurt, then be hurt. No matter what you must be yourself and a truly strong person is someone who is themselves even when a relationship is on the line. Stick to what you want because you deserve to have it.

The show always goes on.

I hope these tips help you! Even though the journey is slow, they do work… they are working for me right now. And me and you, we aren’t so different.

Love,

Cleo

 

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3 Responses to "Feeling Stuck"

Yes – going on holiday is good.
Or – doing something for someone else – some act of altruism and kindness – makes you feel better too and the world seems better.

[…] Feeling Stuck (datewithcleo.wordpress.com) Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Behind the lineI keep on waiting…Waiting This entry was posted in Counseling/ Guiding, Day-To-Day Life, Journal Entries and tagged Emotion, patience, Personal. Bookmark the permalink. ← Accepting My Divorce “The Ice Plunge” → LikeBe the first to like this post. […]

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