Cleo's Dating Blog

No.

Posted on: March 26, 2011

I want overflowing happiness.

Oozing out of my pores, uncontrollable, glowing happiness.

Giggling because I can’t stop. Snorting even.

I want my eyes to sparkle. So bright you wonder if I’m smuggling diamonds in my tear ducts.

I want my lips to radiate. More than they already do.

I want my skin to taste as sweet as cotton candy.

I want my hair to smell like Hawaii.

I want my smile to kill. I want it to kill your pain.

I want my energy to make you wonder if I’m from this world.

I want my footprints to be permanent.

I want to be warm when you hug me.

I want so much happiness that I don’t know where to put it all. That even a lifetime is not enough time for it to expire.

But…

I have none of this.

And having none makes me sad.

Everyone knows I’m in over my head.

I want to wear sunglasses constantly because I know my eyes give it all away.

Behind the surface are shattered pieces.

Pieces I can not locate. I think they were stolen.

I’m in a cold, deep hole.

But I don’t know where else to go.

I smile, but it takes so much effort.

My heart is angry with my face for smiling. Stop f*cking pretending.

Glass shards everywhere.

I want to blame something, but there is nothing.

Don’t ask me if I’m okay. I’m not. No.

I do not have overflowing happiness.

Happiness is a lot like sorrow.

Just don’t look into my eyes.

I am trying to live and hide at the same time. And it is impossible.

Happiness breaks your faith into pieces on the floor.

No.


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