Cleo's Dating Blog

Archive for the ‘From Me to You’ Category

Myself

Posted on: July 21, 2011

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I didn’t notice you were upset?

I didn’t know my words had hurt you,

that I even made you cry.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I forgot to support you?

Your happiness means so much to me,

how could I neglect being there when you needed me.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I failed to laugh with you?

Some of the best moments of my life were spent laughing with you,

how could I forget that.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I didn’t realize I’ve been running?

I’ve been trying so hard to stay busy,

to forget that I feel lonely.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I convinced myself I don’t need you?

I want to believe that I can live this life without help,

that all I need is myself and no one else.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I no longer participate in the quest for love?

I wonder if there is a point to meeting someone new,

if it is just going to end anyway.

–//–

Have I been too focused on myself,

that I hardly see the world around?

Or maybe LA is changing me,

and this is exactly how I should be.

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I find my mind rewriting my past.

Not out of regret,

but mostly out of curiousity,

and a little out of longing.

–//–

If my past had been different,

my today could be different.

I could be different,

More wise,

Less weak.

–//–

If my parents had only been less critical,

Maybe I would not have to work so hard at being confident.

If I had only picked better friends when I was young,

Maybe I would have known what being a Goddess felt like sooner.

If I had been less submissive and more tenatious,

Maybe I would know more about how to get what I want out of this life.

If I had spent less time partying and more time connecting,

Maybe I would have less friendships that fell through.

If I had been a better listener to myself,

Maybe I would have declared my life passions earlier.

–//–

Despite these thoughts,

Nothing could be better than this moment right NOW.

I am not broken, I am not scared, and I am ready for more.

Maybe things would be different today if I could rewrite the past.

but the chance to write the future supersedes all that.

xx,

C

Here is a poem I edited for a friend, aka Poison. Collaboration leads to beautiful things.

–//–

Life is not without intense difficulty and tribulation,
But understanding emotion is the most painful of all.
Love and anger are what make the world turn.
In love is the possibility of deep pain,
yet without love, there is deep anger!
Ultimately,
there is no way but forward.
There is no going back,
there is no stopping time.
When we reflect on the past,
we try to give emotion to life.
Yet are these emotions even real or justified?
Life may be painful,
but at least it is consistent.

Perfect

Posted on: April 22, 2011

No one is perfect, or so they say. They say that everyone has issues, flaws, and secrets. They say that striving for perfection is impossible and that those who are aiming to be perfect are reaching for an illusive reality.

I think they are wrong! I mean, look at me for example… I am perfect. Even the dictionary’s definition of perfect sounds exactly like me: “excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement.”

Okay, you think I’m crazy and utterly wrong don’t you? How could I have nothing to improve upon??

Well, get over it. I am perfect.

I am perfect because I am perfectly me… all the time, every moment, always. I only appear imperfect when you try to assume that I should be a certain way. The adjective “perfect”  is subjective. Even the definition of perfect is vague and open to interpretation. Just like the definition of success, happiness, love, and attraction, “perfection” means something uniquely different to each of us. Perfection does not fit in a box, it is not created by a chemical equation, and it does not expire. Being perfect is 100% your perception.

Let’s take “success”, for example. Some may think attaining success is having your face on a billboard, being the CEO of a company, paying off your mortgage, raising children, or running a marathon. Still others may think success is enjoying every moment and improving the lives of those around you. Can someone say that you are not successful because you do not drive a Bentley? If you believe you are successful, can anyone rightfully disagree?

Therefore, how could you not be perfect? You are perfectly Jane, Matt, Richard, or Vicky. You are you and that IS perfect. You are perfect when you make societal hiccups. You are perfect when you get a speeding ticket. You are perfect when you fall in love. You are perfect when you get your heart broken (or break someone’s heart). You are perfect every time you do something.

I know I am perfect. I am perfectly as I should be because I am always growing, learning, and doing my absolute best. Only when you stray from these things and stop believing in yourself do you start to venture away from perfection.

So come join me in soaking up our perfectness. It is a lot of fun!

Much love,

Cleo

I haven’t looked in the mirror in awhile.

I mean, truly looked at myself.

I get too busy looking at the world around me sometimes.

But today, I looked deep into my reflection…

and damn girl, you fine.

How did you get so beautiful?

I could just stare at you all day.

And then I worked out, got my sweat on, and I looked at myself again.

Wow, you are toned.

If naked were socially allowed, that would be your best look.

And then I thought about my day, and all the people I made smile and laugh.

I am so charming and sweet and creative.

I am lucky that I get to be me.

But then,

I began to wonder why is it, more often than not,

that I do no actually believe any of this?

How did I get so strong and lovely on the outside,

yet so soft on the inside?

I started to get very disappointed in myself.

Why have I let so many people get me down?

Why do I believe anyone’s opinion about me?

Why should anyone get to dictate even a portion of my thoughts?

But then, I forgave myself.

Because I love me.

And I’m amazing, and sweet, and cute.

And just because I messed up and let you change me for a moment,

does not mean I will ever do it again.

And then I smiled,

a very beautiful smile.

And I hope you do the same.

Love,

Cleo

No.

Posted on: March 26, 2011

I want overflowing happiness.

Oozing out of my pores, uncontrollable, glowing happiness.

Giggling because I can’t stop. Snorting even.

I want my eyes to sparkle. So bright you wonder if I’m smuggling diamonds in my tear ducts.

I want my lips to radiate. More than they already do.

I want my skin to taste as sweet as cotton candy.

I want my hair to smell like Hawaii.

I want my smile to kill. I want it to kill your pain.

I want my energy to make you wonder if I’m from this world.

I want my footprints to be permanent.

I want to be warm when you hug me.

I want so much happiness that I don’t know where to put it all. That even a lifetime is not enough time for it to expire.

But…

I have none of this.

And having none makes me sad.

Everyone knows I’m in over my head.

I want to wear sunglasses constantly because I know my eyes give it all away.

Behind the surface are shattered pieces.

Pieces I can not locate. I think they were stolen.

I’m in a cold, deep hole.

But I don’t know where else to go.

I smile, but it takes so much effort.

My heart is angry with my face for smiling. Stop f*cking pretending.

Glass shards everywhere.

I want to blame something, but there is nothing.

Don’t ask me if I’m okay. I’m not. No.

I do not have overflowing happiness.

Happiness is a lot like sorrow.

Just don’t look into my eyes.

I am trying to live and hide at the same time. And it is impossible.

Happiness breaks your faith into pieces on the floor.

No.


The Journey

Posted on: March 7, 2011

Oh yeah, that’s nice.

That incline burns, oh yes.

Each step flares with heat, with passion, with pain, and pleasure.

Firey pleasure and firey pain.

Bring it on.

-//-//-

Oh yeah, I like that.

Sweet and delicious, oh yum.

The air is more succulent the higher we climb.

The juicy fruit hides up here and colors the terrain.

I have never tasted something like this.

I want more.

-//-//-

Oh yeah, this is fun.

Spontaneous, flirtatious, and new.

Even the darkness is fun, frightening yet fun.

But this journey sometimes feels so long.

What is at the top of the climb anyway?

I am too curious to stop.

-//-//-

Oh yeah, this feels right.

This must be where I belong, oh yes.

There is no explanation, just a feeling.

But this feeling, oh yes, it is a good one.

Thank you for showing me the way.

Bring it on.

—-

xx,

Cleo