Cleo's Dating Blog

Posts Tagged ‘forgiveness

I find my mind rewriting my past.

Not out of regret,

but mostly out of curiousity,

and a little out of longing.

–//–

If my past had been different,

my today could be different.

I could be different,

More wise,

Less weak.

–//–

If my parents had only been less critical,

Maybe I would not have to work so hard at being confident.

If I had only picked better friends when I was young,

Maybe I would have known what being a Goddess felt like sooner.

If I had been less submissive and more tenatious,

Maybe I would know more about how to get what I want out of this life.

If I had spent less time partying and more time connecting,

Maybe I would have less friendships that fell through.

If I had been a better listener to myself,

Maybe I would have declared my life passions earlier.

–//–

Despite these thoughts,

Nothing could be better than this moment right NOW.

I am not broken, I am not scared, and I am ready for more.

Maybe things would be different today if I could rewrite the past.

but the chance to write the future supersedes all that.

xx,

C

I haven’t looked in the mirror in awhile.

I mean, truly looked at myself.

I get too busy looking at the world around me sometimes.

But today, I looked deep into my reflection…

and damn girl, you fine.

How did you get so beautiful?

I could just stare at you all day.

And then I worked out, got my sweat on, and I looked at myself again.

Wow, you are toned.

If naked were socially allowed, that would be your best look.

And then I thought about my day, and all the people I made smile and laugh.

I am so charming and sweet and creative.

I am lucky that I get to be me.

But then,

I began to wonder why is it, more often than not,

that I do no actually believe any of this?

How did I get so strong and lovely on the outside,

yet so soft on the inside?

I started to get very disappointed in myself.

Why have I let so many people get me down?

Why do I believe anyone’s opinion about me?

Why should anyone get to dictate even a portion of my thoughts?

But then, I forgave myself.

Because I love me.

And I’m amazing, and sweet, and cute.

And just because I messed up and let you change me for a moment,

does not mean I will ever do it again.

And then I smiled,

a very beautiful smile.

And I hope you do the same.

Love,

Cleo

Giggling

Posted on: March 31, 2011

I have been giggling a lot lately, almost uncontrollably. Just giggling over silly comments and random thoughts all throughout the day. Even at 7am when I am barely awake, 2:00pm when my coffee is wearing off, and 11:30pm when I am dead tired, I am still giggling.

If you read my last few posts (or if you know me personally and have seen and talked to me), you may have noticed that my spirits have been down the past couple weeks. My feet have been dragging, my eyes not so sparkly, my smile often fake as hell, and my head lifted slightly less high. Actually, I hope you noticed because I made it obvious! I can never hide anything I feel, even though sometimes I try. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and always have since I was just a little Cleo. Overall, I prefer to live this way because there is no guessing involved.

Thus my friends, or people with strong interpersonal intuition, do not find it challenging to see when I am suffering from heartache or when my love life is not aligned. When this Libra is out of balance, you know. I like to think of it as being genuine.

While I was out of my emotional element, I viewed this time as one of those temporary but inevitable phases of life. Dating is difficult and seldom works out as predicted (or at least that’s how it is for me!). The healing process is a waiting game. Learning to be without someone who you adored is hard. Trying to forget that you miss them is hard. Being sad is hard. However, it becomes increasingly more difficult to cope when you have not fully set free the idea of being together. Dabbling in that gray area where you are kind of dating and kind of not is emotionally tangling. I was tangled for a long time.

So, after almost a month of tangling, I made a clean break. Go me! As you know, I am not new to this dating thing, so I knew that if I kept stringing myself along (or letting myself be strung along), then my resentment would grow to outweigh any potential positives. Once you decide to make a clean break from the past and cut all emotional, physical, and social ties from a past love interest, the healing process is much faster. However, make sure you are ready and fully accepting of the high possibility that you will never be together again. Take time in making this decision. When you are ready, you will know.

You can imagine my elation when I realized, just three days after setting myself free, that I was giggling, and giggling a lot. Finally I feel like me again! At first I didn’t even notice. It is almost like taking 3 shots of tequila in a row and then a few minutes later it hits you all at once and you are shocked (not that I have ever done this, hehe). The feeling sneaks up on you! Even if you have taken the necessary steps to get there, the magnitude of the feeling is still unexpected.

It is the light at the end of the tunnel that a few weeks ago, I was not sure existed. But it does! And it is so bright and warm and liberating. No matter how much you are struggling, you will feel amazing again. Be patient, nurture yourself, and make the tough decisions that will benefit you in the long run.

Until next time,

Cleo

 

Forgiveness.

Have you forgiven those who have hurt you and caused you suffering? You know who they are. Could you say it out loud and with conviction to yourself? I forgive [insert name]. Could you say “I forgive you” to their face? Can you say it with an open heart and eyes of compassion?

If you answer these questions genuinely with a yes, you should be smiling. You should feel like flying and dancing. I recently realized how absolutely beautiful forgiveness is. It must be one of the purest forms of human-to-human love. And isn’t life better with a little love?

Much like closure, the concept of forgiveness and forgiving those who hurt us is very important. Mostly it is important for our personal growth, development as adults, and ultimate joy.  All three sound good to me! Take time to listen to yourself and see if there is anyone in your life you need to forgive. You will be so glad that you did. Promise!

Yours truly,

Queen Cleo of Forgiveness and Understanding

-//-//-

Can you forgive yourself?