Cleo's Dating Blog

Posts Tagged ‘journeys

As far as I understand, when something does not fit well, you have two choices: shove it in OR give up. I tend to practice both philosophies in my life, mostly out of curiosity.

Sometimes you meet a cute boy and he asks for your phone number. It is new and exciting until he decides to text you for the first time at 3am saying, “Wanna make out?”. Square peg may not even be screwed in properly.

Other times you meet an average looking boy and he surprises you with wit and charm. You have lots of fun together and special exchanges of butterflies. Then you start to think that maybe what you wanted was a triangular peg after all.

You can change your mind all you want, but a triangle is not comfortable inside a circle.

Sometimes you can find bedazzled square pegs. These fancy ones are fun to keep around for entertainment purposes but does not necessarily make them fit better.

Other times you meet square pegs with round edges and it’s such a close match! Attraction, conversation, and availability. Yet something is missing that you can not explain.

And then one day you do find a circle peg! What a rush.

But sometimes the circle peg is not done meeting square holes.

And the cycle begins again.

The good thing is that this time you know how to recognize a circle from a square and you know that trying to make a square fit or trying to make a triangle appealing is just effort without results.

If you are really lucky, then you now also have the experience to realize that all these pegs can not do anything to change your shape, what fits you best, and what you deserve.

To summer flings and more,

Cleo

 

 

I went to Whole Foods last night to get chicken noodle soup for my cute, little, sicky roommate. What was left was mostly broth so I played the damsel-in-distress card and asked them for a fresh batch. To my surprise, it comes pre-made! No wonder the recipe never took my breath away.

As I struggled to scoop the excessively long noodles out of the metal tin with a spoon (impossible!), my eyes gazed up and locked with Mr. Whole Foods Employee. Dark hair, dark eyes. Just how I like it! I could feel him focus on me from across the counter. Even though I was not sure why since I had wet hair and was wearing my least best outfit of the week and even though I am not typically attracted to the staff of grocery stores, I decided to ignore those thoughts and embrace the mutual energy.

Continuing to splash noodles all over myself, I turn to notice that dark-eyes has moved from the opposite end of the counter to the side closest to me. How ironic. As he helps an older woman wearing a fuchsia sweater, he strategically drops an empty sample cup right next to my foot. I smile, pick it up for him, and as our hands touch there was a spontaneous lightening storm inside the store. He says, “thank you” and I turn away.

Here comes the point when a decision must be made. Do I push through the initial moment of contact and progress to the next level or do I let it sweetly linger to be potentially continued later?

I went through a phase last year when I always pushed forward. I considered it “being brave”, and it was. I took risks and rushed moments. I tried to rapidly propel the growth of feelings and attraction.

Although a whirlwind of excitement, there is something to be said of interactions that progress organically. Taking one sweet moment at a time extends the life of each and we all know that these moments tend to be few and far between. The risk here is that a future encounter is not guaranteed.

Last night I chose organic. Small steps. Nothing may ever happen, but today my spirits are just slightly higher.

Often we try to create what we want out of something before it is ready. We lose some patience because we are all so anxious to get our hands around our dreams. I am totally guilty of this more times than I realize.

How organic are you? How much do you let life lead you?

Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just enjoy the ride.

Turns out that the most organic thing at Whole Foods is the staff.

Sincerely yours,

Cleo

People say this to me often.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” What tends to follow is, “Just lower your standards a little.”

If I could lower my standards and be happy, don’t you think that I would just do it already? It’s not like I am trying to win a contest of who can stay single the longest. I would love to have someone that could watch movies with me and play with my hair.

For those of you that have known me for many years, you know that I have not always had high standards. I used to have lots of boyfriends because I would only look for a few, key qualities and ignore the rest. Usually if a guy was nice and treated me well, then that was enough.

My ability to ignore things has drastically decreased. I can no longer date men that play video games all day, drink themselves to a mushy physique, smell bad, have yellow teeth, embarrass themselves in public, cry a lot, dress like it’s still the 90’s, smoke a lot of “medicine”, have a different personality around friends, have small hands, do not like to cuddle, think driving really fast is cool, have a dry sense of humor, or have nothing interesting to say (these are all true).

I have lowered my standards before, but having the wrong boyfriend is worse than being single and lonely. When single, I spend my time thinking of ways to improve my life. Although occasionally rough for a person like me that loves companionship and the idea of love, at least I know I am improving. When I do not fully adore my boyfriend, my time is spent trying to convince myself that I am happy or that I have enough patience…or else I am thinking of the most strategic ways in which to end the relationship. Sad, I know.

I guess I am at that annoying stage in my life that middle-aged people always tell me to cherish. “I wish I had enjoyed my 20’s more!” Alright, but your 20’s kind of suck when you have no proven career, no authority in the workplace, no family, no money, no beach house, no swimming pool in your backyard, no nanny, and so many distractions. The opportunities are beautiful and boundless, but it is such a waiting game to see which ones will flourish and which ones will crash. One step at a time and hopefully 30 years from now I won’t regret anything major…

Chat soon,

Cleo

 

My Monday had the potential to be horrible because I burnt my tongue on my tea last night and still can not taste food.

OR… I could focus on the nice weather and how I was not cold when I went outside today. Or smile at how many good friends I got to spend time with. Or be relieved at how many calories I burned in spin class tonight.

If none of these great things happened for you, maybe you can be happy that I have a new video out!

Happy Monday,

Cleo

 

It is not uncommon for my favorite yoga teacher to make me laugh during class. Last week, to emphasize the importance of starting small and building intensity within each pose, she used a kissing analogy (which I obviously could relate to).

To reiterate, kissing, as with most things, has a natural progression. No one interested in making out starts off approaching another person with his or her lips plumped, mouth wide open, and tongue sticking out. This would be freaky, in a bad way.

Starting with smaller, less invasive kisses are a crucial stepping stone to achieving make out status. Plowing straight through without heed could be more catastrophic than beneficial.

This concept can be applied to many areas in life.

For example, I have a lot of friends that are actors (although, years ago I never pictured that I would like any) and most are not content with the status of their careers. However, I say, keep kissing. It takes time to build up intensity and the chemistry is not always there when you expect it. The problem arises if you get discouraged and just stand there with your lips perched, wondering why no one is making out with you.

Cleo is not afraid of kissing. I have a lot of goals and I will keep kissing until I find what I want.

The trick to discovering the ultimate make out moment, however, is to know which kisses are not worth your time. There is not enough time to go around kissing everyone. If you want something, go after it, but make sure you choose wisely or you may fall off track into the lips of the wrong person. Be picky with your time, energy, and kisses.

If you do find something with potential, right before it shifts from just lips to tongue can be nerve-wracking. I believe that right before any moment of greatness is a time where doubt seeps in. Am I doing this right? Am I meant to be here? What if it doesn’t work out? This is when you have to stay focused and kick doubt out of your head. True, it may not work out or be all that. You may even regret it. But, as they as say, the greatest failure in life is being afraid to try.

I also know a lot of people who are stuck on their ex’s or attached to someone who is unavailable (why are you looking at me??). Just because you may highly enjoy the making out, think critically about whether the anxiety or growth stagnation associated is worth it. Sometimes you have to be strong and cut out certain things to rise to the next level.

If you skimmed this post and have arrived at the conclusion, basically I am saying to keep tying and working towards your goals while also understanding that it is a process. The process becomes easier if you can learn to enjoy the now. I am not saying that I want to make out with you.

Best of luck,

Cleo

P.S. Don’t forget about my Valentine’s Day party. Feb. 14 at 8pm-ish. The Redbury Hotel. Click the pic below for more info.

We haven’t met yet,

but if feels like I know you.

–//–

I could try to imagine what it would feel like,

to shake your hand,

to lock eyes with you,

to share your space,

but I don’t want to if it’s not real,

if I can not reach out and touch you.

–//–

It feels like I am already so deeply in love with you,

but I don’t even know what a love like that feels like.

–//–

I try not to think about love,

because I don’t know what your face looks like,

or what color your eyes are,

or how you act when you get angry,

or how you breathe when you sleep.

–//–

All I do know is that I’m not going to waste time on someone that is not you.

I am happier alone than with someone else.

You are my someone else.

–//–

So until that day comes,

when my heart softens,

and my life changes,

I will stay put.

Independent,

and a little cold.

xx,

Cleo

I am so glad that I used to be really insecure. (key words: used to be).

When I was a kid, I was super skinny. My ribs showed, I had no arm mass, I had the smallest calves, I had no boobs (which I still don’t. I always did have a booty, though). Before I got braces, my teeth were messed up. I had a huge gap and a severe over-bite. My fashion sense consisted of only the plainest jeans and t-shirts. Plus, I was extremely shy! The slightest bit of attention from any boy, even the most unattractive, would make me blush. I hated speaking in front of groups, small or large. I avoided mirrors because I did not like what I saw. I did not like the sound of my voice. I had chubby cheeks. I was not the smartest in class. I was not the most popular. Boys did not try to kiss me under the bleachers. I was not Homecoming Queen. I got embarrassed easily. I could not do a cart-wheel. I played the clarinet.

I honestly was not a fan of myself. I envied characteristics of many other people and would often get lost in lavishly detailed daydreams. My imagination was my escape.

Although I did not believe them, I still got some compliments. However, most were from my parents and I always just figured that was what parents were supposed to do. And for some reason, some boys did have crushes on me but I was so deathly shy that I acted super cold and bitchy and would always ignore them.

But, every girl wants to feel pretty. One day I decided that I wanted to feel pretty. I was going to figure out how to make myself believe that.

Practicing in the mirror, what I discovered was that I am most pretty when I smile. I am most pretty when I am happy. I am most pretty when my personality bursts out my pupils. This was a very great discovery.

To this day, I still stand by the belief that true beauty comes from within.

Today, despite my gorgeous face and rockin body, I am a personality person. The main reason why I get noticed is because of my personality and the only reason I believe that I can have any man in the world is because of my intellect. To quote a friend, personality people get better with time and age. And what a relief that is because Botox looks like it hurts!

So I say, thank god that I used to be insecure. If I never figured out that wit, charm, confidence, contagious energy, and wisdom are more important than how tan my skin is or how expensive my purse is, I would not have a chance against all the Barbie doll, supermodel, airbrushed, hair-done, Christian Louboitin-wearing, women that are my competition. Thank god I used to be a huge dork.

With warm hugs,

Cleo

Your level of cookie-cutterability may be determining your dating path.

A cookie-cutter person (as defined by Cleo) is:

1. A person that is very traditional with a high level of predictability. Usually, this type of person is average in many areas and seeks a life of security, simple pleasures, companionship, comfort, and flying under the radar. These are the people that are known to follow the rules and color inside the lines.

2. Someone that does not typically stand out in a crowd.

3. Can be used in a derogatory manner to describe someone that is not difficult to replace.

There is nothing wrong with a high level of cookie-cutterability. Look how delicious these replicated heart cookies are!

However, I have a theory:

Cookie-cutter people marry young and have longer, committed relationships at an earlier age.

When two cookie-cutter people find each other, they are satisfied. Since they have very reasonable life goals, such as becoming an accountant, buying a three-bedroom home, or starting a family, they are on track to achieving their plan from the beginning. There is not much consideration for pursuing radical dreams or changing the world. Cookie-cutter people have their own world and stay focused on daily life. Their stresses include grocery shopping, family reunions, the finale of X-Factor, making ends meet, puppy training, and taxes. There is also little internal debate relating to, “She is amazing, but I wonder if I could do better than her,” or “He loves me and takes care of me, but I just want to have fun.”

I believe most people are cookie-cutter. Most people live very realistic lives and try hard to minimize their risks. Many people of this mindset will hang on to a good girl when they find her or stay with the nice guy they have known since high school because he is safe. They are also known to stick with a job they do not like because it has good benefits or live in a city they do not identify with because they have already been there for many years and know their way around.

Cookie-cutter people are easy to settle down with.

However, some of us, especially those living in Los Angeles, are not cookie-cutter at all. I know I am not! I am more like a monkey cupcake…

In a city that fosters creativity, entrepreneurship, lavish lifestyles, glamour, and limitlessness, we are not afraid of risk, following dreams, perfecting ourselves, or looking for the best possible everything. Look at how many restaurants and plastic surgery clinics we have. Or look at how many types of yoga we offer, how many trends we set, or how many freeways we need!

We are crazy monkeys. We live outside the norm, we keep our options open, we are always searching for the best opportunities, and we strive for greatness. Don’t get me wrong, there are A LOT of horrible things about LA  and LA people, but we are innovative and we love challenging ourselves.

That is why I believe monkey-cupcake people often struggle at finding a love-match. How challenging it is to match a monkey in a world of heart-shaped cookies? Very difficult.

In the end, people buy the heart-shaped cookies. Sure, the monkeys are funny and cute to look at, but the cookies are safe and comfortable. You know exactly what you are getting and that your money is not going to waste. Who knows what the monkeys have beneath that layer of frosting?

So, for all you monkey-cupcake people out there, hang in there. One of these days the stars will align, the tree branches will part, and you will meet your monkey mate. Until then, if you are struggling with dating, just think that maybe this means you are unique, you stand out in a crowd, you take risks, and you paint pictures instead of color. You are not cookie-cutter. Greatness wouldn’t be greatness if it was common and easy to find.

Kisses,

Cleo

 

We can choose to accept or deny our destiny. Choosing a hybrid of both leads to a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. Although I loved them as an eight-year-old, I am not a thrill-seeker when it comes to the stability of my life.

Thus, I am accepting my unfairytale, single forever, cougar destiny.

In chronological order, here is the plan on how to achieve said status.

1. Date only men with great abs.

2. Perfect current demeanor of being visible yet untouchable.

3. Maintain attractive physique.

4. Frequent bars and clubs instead of bookstores and coffee shops.

5. Keep dating men with great abs.

6. Only talk about men with great abs to friends.

7. Pursue dating men with abs and focus less on my career.

8. Have comfort food nights when abs man disappoints.

9. Focus on career as a distraction.

10. Talk about ex abs men on dates with new guys.

11. Add man-eater as part of career. Become ruthless and cold on the inside.

12. Get breast implants.

13. Refuse marriage proposal from nice, average=looking man with stable job.

14. Get cat instead.

15. Keep looking for nice man with abs… and hair.

16. Fail.

17. Get two more cats.

18. Take up knitting.

19. Have martinis for dinner.

20. Prey on the young and weak.

This seems like a flawless plan to me. Another perk is, it seems that a lot of LA girls are on this same regime. We should compare notes!

All in good fun,

Cleo

Twas two nights after Christmas,

and all through her place,

not a cupcake was leftover,

not even a trace.

The stockings were never hung because her budget was bare,

and the California sun made it feel like summer was here.

The LA singles were nestled, alone in their beds,

not feeling sorry for themselves, because they knew love was not dead.

And our moms and our dads smiled at how we have grown,

because life is a journey, full of unknown.

The sounds from our iPhones created such a clatter.

Our family was calling, and that was all that really mattered.

With age came the realization that our Christmas wishlist need not be long.

Instead, all we need is the love of those who care about us, loyal and strong.

As the New Year approaches and looms over our heads,

We write resolutions- cook more and become more widely read.

Yet despite the things we would like to change,

Everything we need right now, tomorrow, and next year is already arranged.

So rather, we count our blessings and choose to be grateful.

After all, we can still fit into our jeans, and for that, I am thankful.

Happy New Year!!!

Love,

Cleo