Cleo's Dating Blog

Posts Tagged ‘relationships

What is your passion?

Recently a man twice my age asked me on a date (I said no because gray is not my type, although a Clippers game did sound fun). He prefaced the proposal with this question, “What is your passion?”

As quite possibly the girliest-girl in the world, I naturally responded with, “love.” Of course this includes the love of a lover, but also the love of friends, family, work, the moment, nature, and self. If you were to ask me what I fell in love with most in 2012, it would be how much my patience has grown.

Granted, I still get frustrated and act out (especially when hungry) yet December 25, 2012 yields a person of an entirely different level of patience.

I have work goals, learning Spanish goals, traveling goals, yoga goals, entrepreneurship goals, and body image goals. These are activities I enjoy. However, without a deeper connection, these are just replaceable hobbies to pass the time. I look to give and receive love in all my activities because this is how I feel most fulfilled.

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Ironically this combination of seeking loving and having increased patience means I tend to stay in self-sacrificing situations longer than most would… possibly longer than is emotionally healthy at times, as well. I tend to give more than I receive. I tend to expect more than others are willing to give. I tend to give second chances on top of the previous five chances.

Why? Well if I could be a different way, I probably would. It seems easier to be impartial to things and to have a passion more simplistic, like cooking or horseback riding. These things give exactly what you put in. We all know love is a gamble, but none of us seem to know the odds!

I was born a romantic. I study my emotions. I find pleasure in digging deep down to the bottom corner of my heart in as many things as I can. This is where I house my ability to genuinely listen to you when you have a problem, ideas on how I can surprise you with something sweet, determination not to judge you until I know you, and warm energy every time I hug you.

Those who do not do the same often do not make sense to me. Why would you limit your sensations?

I am perplexed until I realize that the consequences can be painful! It is terrible when love is given and not returned or when love is misunderstood and discarded. Every time is a little chip on my heart.

Luckily, the heart need not always be in control. My mind tells me to keep going just as I am. To manifest faith in a sparkly tomorrow in order to keep the chips off my shoulder. To be grateful for Christmas Day with my family and for a promising 2013.

Maybe Santa will not unveil our soulmates today. Or maybe he will. And that is the beauty of an unknown future with endless possibilities.

Warm wishes and Happy Holidays,

Cleo

My favorite types of people have always been the ones that shock me. The more witty, insightful, wild, poetic, or vulgar you are… the more I probably like you. I possess an inherent dislike for all things boring. If you are not grabbing my attention, you are probably losing it. No wonder why I love the gays!

As with everything however, there must be a balance. Please do not shock me by how much you can talk, how rude you are, how bad you smell, or how many of my texts you can ignore. I tend to steer clear of the shockingly passive-aggressive or overly-argumentative people as well. I just want to have fun.

Even with all the ways in which you can get to know someone, it is still a challenge to deduce exactly what type of person a friend, lover, coworker, booty call, or neighbor may be. An individual may be fun and witty, but add two-faced and manipulative to the mix and I will put you in the trash pile. (Have you seen the TV show Hoarders? Bam! Here today, gone tomorrow).

We all go through phases and we all [are supposed to] grow up from time-to-time… Lord, do I know this! By no means do I expect perfection.

I am a person that likes to take career risks, love risks, and to embrace creative projects. I do not want to limit myself to a few skills or memories, I want many! As exciting as this is, it is almost just as fun to see how the people in my life respond.

When toying with an idea I am unsure of or debating whether or not to make a change in my life, there are definitely some people I can count on for endless support. There are others that will provide great perspective. There are some that will have virtually no input. However, it is always shocking to me to see who the negative, doubtful, and discouraging ones are.

This is when I decide that there are people I would rather just keep secrets from. I always feel obligated to be 100% honest when someone asks, “What’s new?” or, “How are things going?” I hate generic, one-word answers. BORING. I want to tell them exactly what is going in my mind, what new endeavors are happening, why I think I’m in love, and what my dream was about last night. Nonetheless, it is true that replacing my impulses responses with mundane answers such as, “Good, you?” are necessary at times.

This little open book is becoming more selective. Inclusion into the secret Cleo club is by invitation only.

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I encourage you to be choosy in who you allow to participate in your inner life. Having secrets can be fun and can help keep you on track to happiness.

Sincerely Yours,

Cleo

In the spirit of politics, I first want to say congratulations to me (and you) for actually voting when I was planning on skipping the whole thing.

Here in the States our right to vote, speak our mind, and make a contribution to national decisions is on the Top 5 list of most important things… along with In-N-Out Burger.

But thank goodness that my personal life is not a democracy! I very much prefer being a dictator. How terribly annoying would it be to need to take a popular vote every time you had to make a major decision? Deciding on kale salad or chicken sandwich for lunch would take forever!

Ironically enough, I tend to involve an entire department of self-appointed officials to help me with certain areas of my life. These decisions are almost always about boys. Why do you think he did this? What would you do if you were me? Why did that other guy do this but he won’t even do half of that? And on and on… and on.

In addition to my selected staff of helpers, outside volunteers like to throw in their two cents as well. “He’s definitely just playing you.” Yikes!

As a Libra, I enjoy listening to varied opinions to see if I may be overlooking valid arguments. Give me all the facts and then I will make a decision. When I am feeling fragile, however, the negative opinions can really bring me down or I notice how I dismiss them altogether and instead have selective hearing of only the positive.

What is the solution? No one else will ever understand the dynamic between you and your sweetheart as well as you do. Sometimes an outsiders opinion can add valuable perspective, but if you are in a relationship or dating someone where honesty and communication exist, involving all of your friends and your mother will only complicate things. Deep down inside your heart, you know what is going on. If not, that is something you should work out with your lover.

I guess this is a silly message coming from a girl with a dating blog! But I definitely notice more stability in my life when I choose to stick to what I believe is real instead of what everyone else tells me. No doubt, there will still be times when advice is necessary, but in your personal life, not all votes are equal and none matter more than your own.

Namaste,
Queen Cleo

 

They say that your 20’s is when you go through a lot of changes. Some get married and have children, others learn independence and strength through living alone. As a participant of the latter, I for one am pleased with my arrival at age 25.

When I think back to my early 20’s, I can vividly remember how frustrated I used to get when driving in traffic. Everyday I would literally picture myself with a sharp knife repeatedly stabbing someone in the chest (not that I would actually do it!). I hated everyone on the road and their stupid bumper stickers.

With age, I have learned some patience. I accept traffic as part of my life and remain calm as a result. I know to take the necessary precautions beforehand- have a snack, grab some coffee, pee before leaving- so that my frustration does not escalate to where I am no longer in control.

My friends now may not agree because they did not know the “college me”, but I have also (slowly) learned to limit my alcohol consumption. School was a time when I did not drink to be social, I drank to be wasted. Transitioning to a time in my life where that is no longer the norm has been a challenge. However, after the fiasco of my 25th birthday and the miserable day following, the need to be completely out of control has ran away with my dignity. Good thing I have the rest of my 20’s to find it!

Consequently, my slightly higher level of coherence has made me more aware of the beauty around me. When is the last time you appreciated the warmth of the sun on your face? Do you take an extra moment to fully enjoy a hug from a good friend?

I spent this past weekend in Santa Barbara and it was as though the beauty of life slapped me across the face. “Wake up and realize how gorgeous your life is!” she said. Boohoo if you’re single and you’re starting to get those tiny little veins on your legs from standing too much. Those are minuscule details compared to all of your other blessings.

It is easy to get caught up in schedules, budgeting, career paths, boyfriends, and weight management. Until you open your eyes and see how beautiful this frickin tree is…

You do not have to start being annoyingly optimistic, but curbing the complaining would not hurt either. The only secret to living is to enjoy the moment found within right now and using the senses that God gave you to be stimulated. Feel the wind, anxious butterflies, and crazy love.

Although a challenge everyday, I am taking life for what it is (gorgeous) and dating for what it is (kinda sucky), but being grateful that I am exactly where I am meant to be today. The future is still going to happen and I need not worry.

Speaking of today, Happy Halloween and I look forward to seeing all the slutty pictures on Facebook tomorrow.

Be safe and go easy on the sweets,

Cleo

As far as I understand, when something does not fit well, you have two choices: shove it in OR give up. I tend to practice both philosophies in my life, mostly out of curiosity.

Sometimes you meet a cute boy and he asks for your phone number. It is new and exciting until he decides to text you for the first time at 3am saying, “Wanna make out?”. Square peg may not even be screwed in properly.

Other times you meet an average looking boy and he surprises you with wit and charm. You have lots of fun together and special exchanges of butterflies. Then you start to think that maybe what you wanted was a triangular peg after all.

You can change your mind all you want, but a triangle is not comfortable inside a circle.

Sometimes you can find bedazzled square pegs. These fancy ones are fun to keep around for entertainment purposes but does not necessarily make them fit better.

Other times you meet square pegs with round edges and it’s such a close match! Attraction, conversation, and availability. Yet something is missing that you can not explain.

And then one day you do find a circle peg! What a rush.

But sometimes the circle peg is not done meeting square holes.

And the cycle begins again.

The good thing is that this time you know how to recognize a circle from a square and you know that trying to make a square fit or trying to make a triangle appealing is just effort without results.

If you are really lucky, then you now also have the experience to realize that all these pegs can not do anything to change your shape, what fits you best, and what you deserve.

To summer flings and more,

Cleo

 

 

Whenever a man/boy/guy/gentleman/dude/douche offers to buy me something, there is always a little voice in the back of my mind that asks, “What will he require in return for this?”

Depending on how well I know the person and what the size of the gesture means to him, I will deduce an appropriate response.

For example, if a poor actor friend offers to take me to a fancy dinner, then I will take that as a grand gesture. On the flip side, if a super wealthy man offers to give me jewels and buy me designer clothes, I will take this as a medium, not-so-serious gesture and if a middle-class guy offers to get me Yogurtland, I will take this as a small gesture. (Offers are real and not fabricated.) Also, a good friend or coworker may not be thinking “SEX” if he buys me some drinks during a night out, but a stranger most likely will be. All of these factors influence my decisions.

Regardless, and I think I speak for most women, the following list are 10 things that women have the hardest time saying “No” to:

10. Would you like some cheesecake? My treat.

9. Would you like to skip the line and enter [insert venue name]  for free?

8. Would you like another skinny-girl margarita?

7. Would you like to go shopping and take my credit card?

6. Would you like me to talk about why all of the other girls around are not as pretty as you are?

5. Would you like some more bread? You are too skinny.

4. Would you like to watch a Ryan Gosling movie?

3. May I Instagram this photo of you and your friends?

2. Would you like to see other people while I patiently wait for you and only you?

1. May I please go down on you? ;)

Be careful of men that abuse our weaknesses! But giving in every once in awhile can be oh so much fun.

Have a playful weekend,

Cleo

I went to Whole Foods last night to get chicken noodle soup for my cute, little, sicky roommate. What was left was mostly broth so I played the damsel-in-distress card and asked them for a fresh batch. To my surprise, it comes pre-made! No wonder the recipe never took my breath away.

As I struggled to scoop the excessively long noodles out of the metal tin with a spoon (impossible!), my eyes gazed up and locked with Mr. Whole Foods Employee. Dark hair, dark eyes. Just how I like it! I could feel him focus on me from across the counter. Even though I was not sure why since I had wet hair and was wearing my least best outfit of the week and even though I am not typically attracted to the staff of grocery stores, I decided to ignore those thoughts and embrace the mutual energy.

Continuing to splash noodles all over myself, I turn to notice that dark-eyes has moved from the opposite end of the counter to the side closest to me. How ironic. As he helps an older woman wearing a fuchsia sweater, he strategically drops an empty sample cup right next to my foot. I smile, pick it up for him, and as our hands touch there was a spontaneous lightening storm inside the store. He says, “thank you” and I turn away.

Here comes the point when a decision must be made. Do I push through the initial moment of contact and progress to the next level or do I let it sweetly linger to be potentially continued later?

I went through a phase last year when I always pushed forward. I considered it “being brave”, and it was. I took risks and rushed moments. I tried to rapidly propel the growth of feelings and attraction.

Although a whirlwind of excitement, there is something to be said of interactions that progress organically. Taking one sweet moment at a time extends the life of each and we all know that these moments tend to be few and far between. The risk here is that a future encounter is not guaranteed.

Last night I chose organic. Small steps. Nothing may ever happen, but today my spirits are just slightly higher.

Often we try to create what we want out of something before it is ready. We lose some patience because we are all so anxious to get our hands around our dreams. I am totally guilty of this more times than I realize.

How organic are you? How much do you let life lead you?

Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just enjoy the ride.

Turns out that the most organic thing at Whole Foods is the staff.

Sincerely yours,

Cleo

People say this to me often.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” What tends to follow is, “Just lower your standards a little.”

If I could lower my standards and be happy, don’t you think that I would just do it already? It’s not like I am trying to win a contest of who can stay single the longest. I would love to have someone that could watch movies with me and play with my hair.

For those of you that have known me for many years, you know that I have not always had high standards. I used to have lots of boyfriends because I would only look for a few, key qualities and ignore the rest. Usually if a guy was nice and treated me well, then that was enough.

My ability to ignore things has drastically decreased. I can no longer date men that play video games all day, drink themselves to a mushy physique, smell bad, have yellow teeth, embarrass themselves in public, cry a lot, dress like it’s still the 90’s, smoke a lot of “medicine”, have a different personality around friends, have small hands, do not like to cuddle, think driving really fast is cool, have a dry sense of humor, or have nothing interesting to say (these are all true).

I have lowered my standards before, but having the wrong boyfriend is worse than being single and lonely. When single, I spend my time thinking of ways to improve my life. Although occasionally rough for a person like me that loves companionship and the idea of love, at least I know I am improving. When I do not fully adore my boyfriend, my time is spent trying to convince myself that I am happy or that I have enough patience…or else I am thinking of the most strategic ways in which to end the relationship. Sad, I know.

I guess I am at that annoying stage in my life that middle-aged people always tell me to cherish. “I wish I had enjoyed my 20’s more!” Alright, but your 20’s kind of suck when you have no proven career, no authority in the workplace, no family, no money, no beach house, no swimming pool in your backyard, no nanny, and so many distractions. The opportunities are beautiful and boundless, but it is such a waiting game to see which ones will flourish and which ones will crash. One step at a time and hopefully 30 years from now I won’t regret anything major…

Chat soon,

Cleo

 

One of my best friends always supports me no matter what I do. If I want to drunk text, she supports me. If I want to eat a hamburger, she supports me while also participating. If I want a spray tan, she supports me. If I want to throw a singles mixer without any experience, she supports me. If I want to curl up in a ball and cry or if I want to dance on a pole, she supports me.

Much like cheesecake, if something yummy is in front of me, then I am going to eat it up until there is nothing left. I love support! My ego smiles.

I have other friends that tell it like it is (or as they see it). If it was socially acceptable, they would probably slap me across the face for all the times I let my emotions and fantasies of love get the better of me. They tell me when I am thinking too much, when I need to move on, when I say stupid things, or when my dress is too tight. They tell me when a guy is not into me when all I want to do is make excuses for him. These friends also play devil’s advocate on my business ideas and ask questions that make me sweat (hypothetically… girls don’t sweat).

These friends are the protein powder of my life. My ego does not crave or actively enjoy this treatment, but it is necessary for me to grow strong life, love, and dating muscles.

Most of my friends, however, just feel my pain and share in my joy. They are the staple, margarita pizza of my life.

Too much of one or too little of the other, and I would be a crazy mess… even more than I already am! The binge and purge method is not healthy. Having a well balanced support system and wide spectrum of opinions creates a good life diet. Cosmopolitan Magazine and horoscope compatibility charts do not have all the answers, as much as I love both strategies. However, if you are going to heavily rely on one source, Cleo is probably your best bet.

If you are open-minded to different ways of thinking and willing to adjust some of your old habits, then you may discover the ancient tradition of maturation.

Goddess Love,

Cleo

 

I grew up as an athlete and still carry the same “hard-core” mentality to this day. I do not claim to sit at the top of the bad-ass pyramid, however I dabble in my fair share of physical challenges and can keep up with some of the best.

Despite the half-marathons, ocean swims, and Equinox circuit workouts, the concept of a Mud Run has always interested me. What is not fun about getting dirty and tackling people? Or maybe hiking a mountain would be fun (but only with a guarantee of zero snake encounters). I have other friends that enjoy rock climbing, riding motorcycles, running ultramarathons, or going on wacky juice diets.

As much as I understand the appeal of a good challenge, I can not help but wonder if maybe we are all crazy. Life is already one huge obstacle course! What sense is there in adding MORE?

Living in LA has many challenges of its own. I plan my schedule around rush hour traffic, know that discovering street parking is close to a miracle, find that most people are rude unless trying to get something out of you, frequenting trendy bars and restaurants gets pricey, and most of the hottest men are gay.

Sculpting the body you want is a challenge. Getting over your first love is a challenge. Smiling while at work is a challenge. Being an entrepreneur is a challenge.

Not to mention that DATING is one huge challenge.

So why do we even try? Why don’t we all just eat brown rice and chicken, walk around the block, watch TV, and live alone forever?

Oprah would not accept this of you. This is not living! Being safe and mechanical is a waste of your amazing human brain.

So I am going to stop watching the Mud Run of Love from the sidelines. I am going to stop running circles on the treadmill of the same men. (Can I get an amen?) I am coming out of my dating comma even if that means I need to start online dating, hitting on guys at the gym, burning incense, or praying.

I am currently accepting blind date proposals from trusted sources.

Good luck to you!

Cleo

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