Posts Tagged ‘sex’
I Want To Fall On My Face
Posted April 28, 2012
on:If you have ever been in love, it is kind of like someone kicking you in the shins with a shoe made of brick. Naturally, you fall down.
Ouch. Bruised and injured, it can be hard to get back up. Now you know what love feels like. You are changed.
Not that I have one, but I can only assume that it is similar to getting a tattoo. The pain and the anguish is nearly unbearable, yet exhilarating nonetheless. A voluntary suffering. Things that once used to cause pain- toe-stubbing, paper cuts, hair-pulling- no longer have as tight a grip on your threshold. You are a stronger person now and you have the scars to prove it. You are hardcore.
Maybe falling in love is also like childbirth. If the end result were not worth the pain, than I would not be here today.
It takes but a moment for love to kick your footing out from under you, yet quite possibly an eternity to regain yourself. But once you do and once the pain of heartache, tatoos, or birth subside… all you want is another.
Herein lies my current situation with dating.
I have done mediocre dating, I have done just for fun dating, I have done good but not great dating. However, now that I have done fall on my butt, head over heels dating, all I want is someone that will pull the ground out from under me even harder. Catch me off guard! I want to fall on my pretty-little face.
As if I was not picky enough before, I seem to be patiently waiting for the guy with enough potential to floor me. Make me fall. Infect my thoughts. Drive me crazy. If I am still standing, if I am still rational, if I am still breathing, than you are not the one for me.
I am not attracted to passive. Let me see you being extraordinary. I want to fall on my face.
And the beat goes on,
Cleo
A Valentine’s Day Poem
Posted February 14, 2012
on:- In: Poems
- Leave a Comment
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Today is Valentine’s Day,
Sarcastically… wohoo.
Sugar is sweet,
Kale is bitter,
How can the sun be out,
when it is still winter?
—
Flowers are pretty,
Chocolate is yummy.
There is a singles party tonight,
For us with no “honey.”
—
Martinis are strong,
Shots are quick,
Flirting and laughing,
Should do the trick.
Black dress are slimming,
Red lipstick is hot,
Valentine’s Day need not be lonely,
Cleo has taught.
—
Your eyes are beautiful,
Your smile is charming,
Single and happy,
Should not be alarming.
—
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love,
Cleo
The Adventures of Big Mac Girl
Posted January 30, 2012
on:I am participating in a short story contest and honestly, I don’t even know what the prize is. I just wanted something to motivate me to write more creative fiction.
The contest is hosted by NYC Midnight and it is their 6th Annual Short Story Challenge. The challenge includes three rounds where each time you are given a prompt and time limit.
The first round just ended so I am sharing my story with you. Hopefully I make it to the next round! Let me know what you think :).
I was assigned to write a story with the genre of sci-fi, character of a babysitter, and event of a sale. Here goes!
Love,
Cleo
The Adventures of Big Mac Girl
A young girl unknowingly finds herself in the middle of a wild science experiment as an older man capitalizes on her insecurities.
________________________________
They called her Big Mac girl. The truth was, she did not even like hamburgers, let alone McDonald’s. Unfortunately, the thing about bullying is that it need not be factual.
Every day she would come home from school and find remnants of melted cheddar cheese and Thousand Island dressing in her backpack. It made studying a sticky struggle and smiling an even greater one. “Where did these girls find the time for such ridiculing?” she wondered.
Yes, she was overweight. Some would even say she was extremely overweight. Growing up in a large family of large people, eating delicious food was what bonded the Bigg’s clan together. Fried chicken, lamb chops, spaghetti and meatballs, mashed potatoes, three-cheese baked mac and cheese, and blueberry pancakes were common dishes consumed before a day’s end.
“Mom, can I ask you something?” she inquired, while her mother stirred the lamb stew.
“You mean may you ask me something?” her mother replied.
“Yes, may I. May I go to a different school?”
Her mother stopped stirring and looked up at her daughter. With eight children, it was easy to overlook how fast each one was growing and how quickly they were finding their own identities.
“What’s wrong with the school you go to now?” her mother asked.
“I get bullied by everyone! I am called the worst names and am constantly cleaning condiments out of my belongings. Next year I will be in 8th grade and I want a fresh start. It’s not fair.” She spoke with a conviction her mother had never seen before.
“Sweetheart, anyone that makes fun of you is just jealous of the close-knit family you have. Their opinion doesn’t matter! The only other school in the area is that snooty, all-girls academy and I wouldn’t send you there even if we could afford it.” Although she knew her mother loved her very much, she was also very stubborn. This discussion was over, for the time being. “Now, eat your potatoes.”
One of the only things that made her forget about her lack of friends, lack of respect, and lack of a desirable physique was her physics class. She loved the complexity of the subject, the thrill of solving unknown variables, and how most kids in her class could not grasp the concepts. Plus, it did not hurt that Mr. Watson was the most charming, handsome, and intelligent teacher in the whole school.
“Hello class. Today we are going to dive into the concept of color waves. With the coming out of those new color television sets that can be purchased for your home, I thought it would benefit us all to know a little bit about how they work.” Mr. Watson smiled and she was sure that his teeth were glowing.
While he spoke, she took notes vigorously, sometimes to the point of getting a painful cramp in her hand. She fought through it.
He always looked directly at her when he was about to raise a question to the class, as if warning her to make sure she lifted her hand first. “I have a bit of a personal question to ask you all,” Mr. Watson chimed. “Our normal babysitter for the evening is sick and my wife and I already have tickets to see the new Charlton Heston movie. Would anyone be interested in babysitting? I would be deeply appreciative.”
She wanted nothing more than to be appreciated. Her hand shot up like rocket.
She arrived at 5:30pm sharp, just as Mr. Watson had instructed. She had brushed her hair and put on a little bit of red lipstick that she had stolen from her mother’s purse.
“So nice of you to be on time,” Mr. Watson said. Her cheeks blushed immediately.
She was nervous to meet Mrs. Watson and had no idea how old their child was. All she knew was that Mr. Watson had glowing, sparkly teeth.
Mr. Watson gave her a tour of the house and its quaint rooms. When they got to the back of the house, Mr. Watson stopped and turned slowly to face her.
“Now, this is my favorite room of the whole house,” he paused for a moment. “But, you cannot tell anyone at school that I showed it to you, okay? Promise me.”
“I pinky promise, Mr. Watson.” She would do anything to know what was behind that door if it meant bringing her closer to her favorite teacher.
He smiled. She melted.
He opened the door. The room was so dimly lit that she could hardly see three feet in front of her.
He grabbed her hand. “We have to go down some stairs. Be careful.”
As he led her down the stairs, her heart raced, but mostly just because they were holding hands.
At the bottom of the stairs, they rounded the corner and arrived at a fluorescently illuminated room that looked a lot like a laboratory and smelled a lot like a pet store. There were small cages all along the walls and as she looked closer, she noticed that there was a rat in each one.
“These are my children,” Mr. Watson said proudly.
He must have noticed the perplexed and slightly disgusted look on her face because he immediately started to explain the purpose of this rat-room.
“Do not be frightened. I’m a scientist after all. I am in the middle of an extraordinary, ground-breaking discovery. Don’t you want to be a part of that?” He looked so deeply into her eyes that she thought she might faint.
She nodded, slowly.
“Good. There are instructions on each cage and each child has their own personality, just like your brothers and sisters,” Mr. Watson explained. “The Mrs. and I will be back before you know it, so make yourself at home, have fun, and get to know my children. Just make sure you do not leave this room. If all goes well, I will have a special treat for you when I return.”
He squeezed her hand, smiled, and left the room closing the door behind him. “What have I gotten myself into?” she thought to herself.
For a long time she stood in the same spot, frozen. Then, a loud clatter came from the cage marked “D” as the rat behind bars began to ferociously claw at the cage.
Her skin crawled but she inched closer to cage D.
Rat D must be fed every 10 minutes. Use the food in the blue container. Failure to do so can lead to extreme aggression.
She turned and noticed a row of red, green, and blue containers to her right. She ran over and scooped out a mush that looked a lot like soggy French fries mixed with peanut butter. Rat D gobbled up the mush and then succumbed to an intense food comma.
She almost giggled. He was so chubby that it was cute.
Feeling more comfortable, she walked around the room, looking at the “children.” All of their instructions had something to do with feeding.
Rat A must be fed every two hours. Use the green container. Rat C must be fed only once a day with food from the red container…
At the end of the row of cages was a small door attached to an odd, dome-shaped machine. It must have only been about 5 feet tall and had the numbers 2-0-1-2 written on the front.
Getting hungry herself, she sat at the desk in the center of the room and searched the drawers for something tasty. Perfect, she made a Ritz Crackers discovery! She continued searching the desk out of curiosity and came across some unmarked bottles of pills, pages of handwritten notes and charts, and money. However, it was not the nickels and dimes money that she was used to, but money with Benjamin Franklin on them! “Mr. Watson must be rich,” she whispered.
Just as she was finishing up her snack, she heard the sound of footsteps and Mr. Watson’s unmistakable laughter.
“How is my favorite girl doing?” he asked as he quickly walked around the room, examining his children.
“You did a great job!” Mr. Watson was very pleased. He got down on one knee so he could speak to her on an equal level. “It’s time for your special gift.”
He reached into the desk and pulled out two Ben Franklin’s. She could not stop thinking how many Coca-Cola’s or gummy bears she could buy at the market with that kind of cash.
“This is two-hundred dollars. The cool thing about this is that we can trade it for even better things. For example, I discovered a small pill you can take that allows you to eat whatever you like and still become skinny. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Did that sound nice? It sounded like her dreams just came true! She could go to school and not be bullied and still eat her mom’s amazing cooking. Miraculous!
“To get the pills is simple. All you have to do is take this money, go to a secret store, and trade the money for the special treats. Then, your life will never be the same!” Mr. Watson was a great salesman.
She smiled. “What store do I go to?” she asked, innocently.
Now Mr. Watson sprung to his feet. “Let me show you.”
Once again, he took her hand and led her to the dome-shaped creation in the corner of the room. “You are going to a place called Los Angeles in 2012. Everyone in this place is skinny and wears size 0 clothing. The sun always shines and people stay young and beautiful for a very long time.”
“That sounds nice, but I am not going to fit in,” she confessed.
“Nonsense. After these special pills, you will be a movie star.” Mr. Watson knew just the right things to say.
He put a strange contraption on her head and straps on her shoulders and arms.
“After you get inside, I am going to push the green button. When the machine stops buzzing, open the door and you will be in my good friend’s home. Hand him the money and he will hand you a small bag. Then, go back inside the machine and push the yellow button that says 1959. Understand?” Mr. Watson spoke very articulately.
“Yes, I understand, Mr. Watson. Thank you very much for this gift.”
He pushed the green button. Everything around her began to shake wildly. She closed her eyes and prayed that this would end soon so she could get her present and finally be skinny.
As quickly as it had started, the shaking stopped and the air was quiet again. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
The room she arrived in was a lot different than Mr. Watson’s basement laboratory. Instead of inside, she was actually outside in a dirt courtyard. She could see palm trees in the distance. At least, she thought they were palm trees. Text book photos are not always accurate.
Instead of cages with rats, this area had stables with horses. There was an old man stacking hay in the distance. When he saw her, he came running towards her.
“Hello doll. You made it! We are so pleased. Do you have the money?” the old man had the most unusually young looking face, yet the skin on his neck and hands looked as old as her grandfather’s.
She was too afraid answer so she just handed him the two Ben Franklin’s.
The old man looked happy but, for some reason, his face struggled to smile. He handed her a brown paper bag that had Clenbuterol written on it.
“Do not take more than one per day. If your heart starts to beat too fast, just sit down and take a deep breath. Have fun cutie pie!” He turned and galloped off to his horse stables.
Before heading back, she looked up at the bright sky and felt the warm sun grab her face. This was her last moment as Big Mac girl.
She pushed the yellow button and was back in Mr. Watson’s laboratory in less than the time it takes to microwave last night’s meatloaf.
“I missed you,” Mr. Watson gave her a hug.
He took the bag from her and counted the white pills.
“Perfect. I am so proud of you. Let me see your hand.”
He placed seven, shiny pills in her youthful palm.
“If you want these pills to make you happy and thin, make sure you do the following,” Mr. Watson explained. She wished she had a pencil and paper to take notes. “Take one pill every morning when you wake up. Drink lots of water and just eat as you normally would, as much as you want! However, you may start to lose your appetite, but that is normal. Lastly, be sure not to tell anyone because then everyone would want these pills and I only have enough for me and you.”
She could hardly sleep that night. From this moment on, she was going to start saving nickels and dimes for a new, skinny-girl wardrobe. Her mom would no longer need to extend the buttons on her pants or buy her tops from the men’s department. Maybe she could even have friends at school and not eat lunch alone.
The moon was shining big and bright that night. As she laid awake, smiling and dreaming of a better future, Mr. Watson also could not sleep. He crossed his fingers and said a silent prayer, hoping that his favorite student would not experience the same fate as his first batch of rats did.
Additionally, the Mr. Watson of 2012 had trouble falling asleep. He had failed to share his secret with the little girl from the past. After a life of studying youth and physical beauty, no one was more qualified than him to share the experiment’s conclusion. Chasing physical beauty may qualify as a valid pursuit of happiness, but never would it amount to its acquisition.
Love is in the air this January! Well, not for me…
But not only is 2012 the year of the Dragon (rawr), but it is the year of No Cleo Pity Parties, so I’m not complaining.
Instead, I decided to tap into some of the magic that makes me who I am. My matchmaking skills.
Project One:
This was my first ever successful BLIND DATE set up! After a couple of days of mentally perusing my database of hot single friends, I had a light bulb moment. I decided to connect the dots from one group of friends to another and had a good feeling that these two particular people would get along famously. Why? They are both easy-going, laughter-loving, beach city people. They are both open-minded, close in age, close in attractiveness, and not on a rebound from any crazy relationships. Sounded like a good formula to me.
I wanted to plan the date myself so I picked a day, time, and random sushi place- called Matsuda Sushi Bar in Studio City because of its proximity to their homes and local bars. I was also looking for affordability and a casual, yet buzzing atmosphere where one could hold a quality conversation.
Feedback was that this restaurant was a hole-in-the-wall yet quaint venue with friendly staff and average sushi. However, that sushi-man must have done something right because these two both reported back to me with outstanding commentary. How cute is it that they both checked in with me to see if the other person had as great of a time?
They have been in contact since, planned their own meet-ups, and if nothing else, are having a flirtatious, nervous butterflies kind of time. Life is too short not to be giddy.
Project Two:
I can not take as much matchmaking credit on this one. Time and effort was teamed with future comedic superstar, @zachpizza.
The funny thing about this story is, originally, Zach Pizza was going to try to set me up on a date with his friend. I was struggling to get over a guy and he probably thought I was pathetic. However, potential man had googly eyes for my girl friend. Fantastic! Because if I was a guy (or out of the closet), I would have googly eyes for my friend too.
Thus became blind-double date experiment. This date was less planned out. We randomly went to the Victorian/Basement Tavern on Main Street in Santa Monica. Had some cocktails. I acted a fool. I was kind of in my own world, but I think sparks flew and wedding bells chimed…?
But then, we all got hungry. And I really do look forward to late night eating. So obviously, we went to Swingers.
I love Swingers and I’m not totally sure why. All I know is that I was craving their vegan burrito! And I am not remotely vegan.
Recap from the evening is that everyone had a great time. Love birds hit it off and have been hanging out one-on-one since the Cleo-planned meet up. They may even be together as I type this very post…
All in all, the conclusion is that I rock as a matchmaker. If you want to be next let me know!
I am helping to host an Anti-Valentine’s Day party at Cleo Restaurant in Hollywood for all of us single people who tell ourselves we do not want a valentine. Come with me! Visit my website for details (just click the picture below) and email me to reserve your spot.
You may not have a lover now, but I can find you one.
xx,
Cleo as Cupid
- In: Being Yourself | Loving Single | Men
- 1 Comment
I never thought being sexy would have a downside. The grand vision of being sexy comes only with perks… 1. greater self-confidence, 2. better pick of a love mate, 3. making everyone jealous, 4. better looking friends, 5. free stuff, and the list goes on.
Despite the perks, there are definitely some downsides.
First, women can be catty. Often women do not expect a pretty girl to be genuine, sweet, or caring, but honestly, most good-looking girls in LA do NOT remotely come across as any of these things, so I can understand the misconception. However, if shown respect, women typically get over this initial hostility and allow camaraderie to take hold. <3
More importantly, a huge downside to being ridiculously sexy is dealing with ignorant men. Ah! If you are too sexy, most men stop thinking altogether. Self awareness and perception of reality go out the window. All they want is to touch, bribe, and persuade. What ever happened to two people getting together because of mutual feelings?? It is tunnel vision focused on physical gratification. If I can just get her to my place, if I just tell her I miss her all the time, if I just get her a little drunk, if I just tell her she looks beautiful, if I just trap her in the bathroom, if I show her how horny I am [all true events]… then she will let me have my way. Wrong! A highly intuitive and observant woman, such as myself, will not be fooled by these ploys (again- we have all made our mistakes). Frankly, it is repulsive. There is nothing quite as unattractive as a man with no self-control or respect, and these men are a dime a dozen. I have actually started telling them, “you are just like every other guy.” Shockingly to me, they get offended. If my honesty offends you, you definitely need to take a long look in the mirror.
Not only is their behavior repulsive, but often these men are physically disgusting to the point where I am personally offended that they think I would even consider naked dancing in their sheets. Where did they get the nerve? Your advances are making me feel dirty and ugly. I would rather never have sex again (or for the first time, wink*) than see you naked.
I used to wonder if maybe I was doing something to lead men into thinking I was interested. Sometimes I catch myself, but most times, I could not be more blunt. “No, I am NOT interested” could not get more clear to me. If I want you (and assuming you are thinking coherently), you will know. If you are not sure, than I am probably not sure either.
Overall, I find that I am increasingly more interested in finding ways to be left alone. An invisibility cloak would be amazing! I hate being touched, talked to, stared at, or pursued if I do not want to be. What I once interpreted as flattering is now obnoxious. It’s not like I walk around with plastic boobs, glitter shorts, and stripper heels
Oh the journey of dating is so much fun. Single for life!
Love you,
Cleo
Modern Love, NY Times
Posted February 8, 2011
on:I am so very elated at this moment. I have found my writing sisters! If you would like add some more insightful dating prose to your daily routine, read the Modern Love column of the NY Times.