Cleo's Dating Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Single

Does life just happen? Was it coincidence that you met your future best friends at the local lounge? Was it by chance that you got the job you wanted? Were you meant to be at the grocery store when your next boyfriend was?

So many times people have told me, “Don’t worry about your life or finding love, what’s meant to be will happen.” Although a nice thought, I’m not sure I agree. In hindsight, you could say anything was “meant to be”. “Oh, you were meant to be in horrific traffic so that you avoided being in that car accident!” Really?? Or, “It was meant to be that your hairdresser f*d up your hair because now you saved money.” I find that the meant to be mentality is just a general excuse used to explain the random, unpredictable moments in life.

I find it more accurate that moments in life are caused by a series of events and choices you make, rather than by pure chance. You choose what places you go to, what appearance you give off, and how you react to your environment. You choose what you wear, who you are with, and what risks you take. Thus, if there is something (or someone, hehe) in your life that you want, you need to go after it. What a gamble it would be to leave it up to chance! No no one wins the lottery without buying a lotto ticket. The only moments in my life that I regret are always the ones where I am too afraid or too shy to try. For example, as a single gal, I’ve never regretted hitting on a guy! It’s always better to satisfy your curiosity.

So, how do you make sure you are making the best choices to get you where you want to go? Follow these steps:

1. Find out what the necessary steps are in achieving your goals. How? Do research. Ask for advice. Listen. Experiment. Get a mentor. One of my greatest role models is Richard Branson, entrepreneur and founder of numerous companies, most notably Virgin Records and Virgin Airlines. His book, Screw it, Let’s do it, may be a good starting point for inspiration.

2. Take action. Don’t just think about what you want and what you should do. Take initiative and just do it. If you want to lose 5 pounds, put down that chocolate.

3. Stay persistent. Nothing ever happens over night. I mean, I have been writing this blog for 9 months and still barely get any comments from readers (hehe)! Be brave and stay strong. What I find most helpful is having a small core group of friends and family that you can space out your venting to, when needed, and ask for advice from- but don’t forget you need to do the same for them as well.

4. Periodically reevaluate your position. Make note of your progress  and take time to be proud of yourself.

I am going to try to do this everyday and will keep you updated on what I find works best. Good luck on your hunt!

Thinking of you,

Cleo

My plans almost never go according to plan.  It seems that those moments that I put forth extensive effort in planning are always the ones more likely to bomb and be disappointing while the spontaneous, let’s-go-on-an-adventure moments are often much more wildly enjoyable. There is nothing quite like plans falling through to make you realize how little control you really have on life. For example, most every birthday, New Year’s Eve, raspberry cheesecake, or sexy man date in my life tends to be more fun on paper than it actually turns out to be.

Why does life work this way?? I have been thinking about this question since 3am yesterday morning as my friend and I waited in the most godforsaken Jack in the Box drive-thru line of all time… What is it about hype and high expectations that has the potential to downgrade a perfectly acceptable experience into a less than memorable one? And why are those unexpected moments that you don’t plan often the best experiences?

Much like my recent post, Expectations v. Standards, I believe much of the issue has to deal with our subconscious expectations and hopes of exactly how we want a situation to turn out- that because we spent extra money, planned in advance, and waxed our legs, that this was sure to the be the craziest night of the year. As someone with an overactive imagination, I can easily understand the act of formulating a play-by-play of a situation before it has even occurred. How many times have you ever secretly hoped that tonight would be the night where you walk into a room, find a tall, dark, and handsome man staring your way, then later, conveniently run into him in a secluded corner to engage in [insert fantasy here]? Anyone?

I definitely used to be that girl with secret hopes of meeting a quality man every time I went out, or that girl who would countdown weeks to a special day only to find that it was not at all as I pictured. I am proud to say that I am no longer this way (most of the time). I spent too many days being disappointed to let that happen anymore. And how naive is it to believe that all your dreams will come true exactly when you want them to? Life is not a fairy tale and I blame childhood Disney movies for making me believe it could happen that way.

Although difficult, choosing to embrace whatever happens- whether everyone at the club is trashy, your friends flake, your car breaks down, your date is boring, it rains on your birthday, or you don’t get the booth at the restaurant- and making a conscious choice to enjoy each moment, you see that overall, life is funny. How stupid was it that I waited for over 40 minutes in line for 2, 99cent tacos? And not only that, that I was so aggravated at the time? So stupid yet so funny. It is those random moments in life that I love in hindsight.

What about when you get your hopes up about a new love interest? It is that honey moon faze, everything is fuzzy and warm, hazy elation all the time, kisses, cuddling, sexting… how do you keep from planning or expecting more in the future when nothing is guaranteed? Difficult question, but don’t worry readers, I believe I have an answer! It is actually simple- instead of planning what will happen, plan how you will react. If you and your lover are not meant to be, plan to be appreciative of the time you had, of what you learned, and how you are that much more prepared for the next. Plan to be happy that you had laughs, you had fun, and that you enjoyed being young. Plan to keep smiling, meeting new people, and maintaining healthy relationships.

Often there is that time, right before the honeymoon stage in a relationship begins to fade out, that insecurity in the stability of the relationship tends to sink in- at least for me. He used to always text me good morning, why not anymore? Is he over it? Did he meet someone else? When you feel this coming on, plan beforehand to stay light-hearted and level-headed. Instead of planning how many kids you will have, what your wedding dress will look like, and where you will buy a house together, plan to keep your zeal for adventure, thirst for love, and appreciation of others- no matter what. You can not control life, but you can control how you react to it.

In 2011, I am going to practice this everyday. I will plan to plan only those things I can control and let the rest be spontaneous, random, and unpredictable. I don’t know about you, but sounds delicious to me.

Hugs and Kisses,

Cleo

My addiction started in the 7th grade. It was a rush unlike any other. The increased heart rate, heightened senses, extreme attentiveness to the present moment… so exhilarating! I could not wait for the next dose. I was addicted. More please. Now.

I always thought of myself as a self-disciplined individual- I was not someone with an addictive personality. You could look up the word moderation in the dictionary and find a picture of my face- smiling, of course. Yet, never say never, could Cleo have found her vice?

Well, enough ambiguity… I was and am addicted to flirting.

Oh so innocent you think! Wrong. Flirting has gotten me into so much trouble (and so much blessing as well, hehe)! I did not realize until recently that I have a flirting problem. A friend brought to my attention that I am one of the most compulsive flirts he has ever seen. At first, I did not take this as a compliment because I am not ditsy, easy, or desperate- which are words I quickly associated with the phrase “compulsive flirt”.  I mean, I’m not even blonde. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I tried to stop flirting altogether, I would be denying a fun-loving,natural, and complimentary part of my personality.

Why do I find flirting so delicious? First of all, not only do I like how it makes me feel, but I like seeing how it affects the flirtee. I like seeing how a playful phrase, naughty look, deep eye contact, warm body language, or special attention can make the recipient’s eyes liven up, cheeks blush, mind race, and energy spike. It is amazing how such little things can affect another so much. Flirting has the potential to completely change the vibe of any situation.

I love a man that knows how to flirt. A man who knows how to casually sneak a wink in during conversation, uses lingering eye contact to let you know he’s interested, or gently touches your side while you’re walking. One of my favorite things is finding an excuse to whisper in your ear just to get his lips close to your face. Gets me every time.

My problem with flirting is that I generally do think it is innocent. Life is too short not to have fun. However, I realized one thing about men. Most men have egos. Huge, giant, every-woman-wants-me egos. So although I may be flirting just for the sake of having a good time, some men are instead carefully calculating how he can make the flirting into a reality.

But is he to blame? Well… no. Flirting does imply a certain degree of romantic/sexual interest. But please, do not try to pin me against a wall if all I’ve done is look you in the eyes and listen to what you are saying. Some call this “manners.”

Learning to read people, especially potential lovers, is very important in dating. Knowing when your innocent flirting may be misinterpreted is essential in avoiding awkward or even harmless situations. Also knowing when your flirting is undetectable or weak is important in evaluating your level of “game.”

The way I see it, flirting is the best way to initially judging how another feels about you. If your flirting attempts are not reciprocated you are either 1. Doing it wrong and need lessons from Cleo or 2. He (she) is not interested. The more you try past option 2, the more you look like an idiot.

As with most of my posts, the key to successful flirting is being self aware. Know when you are doing too much or doing too little. Know when flirting is appropriate (bar, grocery store, with significant other, etc) or is not appropriate (work, with not-single people, etc). Ironically my addiction to flirting is most effective in moderation- how ironic!

Cheers to moderation!

 

Muah,

Foxy Cleopatra