Cleo's Dating Blog

Posts Tagged ‘conversation

In the spirit of politics, I first want to say congratulations to me (and you) for actually voting when I was planning on skipping the whole thing.

Here in the States our right to vote, speak our mind, and make a contribution to national decisions is on the Top 5 list of most important things… along with In-N-Out Burger.

But thank goodness that my personal life is not a democracy! I very much prefer being a dictator. How terribly annoying would it be to need to take a popular vote every time you had to make a major decision? Deciding on kale salad or chicken sandwich for lunch would take forever!

Ironically enough, I tend to involve an entire department of self-appointed officials to help me with certain areas of my life. These decisions are almost always about boys. Why do you think he did this? What would you do if you were me? Why did that other guy do this but he won’t even do half of that? And on and on… and on.

In addition to my selected staff of helpers, outside volunteers like to throw in their two cents as well. “He’s definitely just playing you.” Yikes!

As a Libra, I enjoy listening to varied opinions to see if I may be overlooking valid arguments. Give me all the facts and then I will make a decision. When I am feeling fragile, however, the negative opinions can really bring me down or I notice how I dismiss them altogether and instead have selective hearing of only the positive.

What is the solution? No one else will ever understand the dynamic between you and your sweetheart as well as you do. Sometimes an outsiders opinion can add valuable perspective, but if you are in a relationship or dating someone where honesty and communication exist, involving all of your friends and your mother will only complicate things. Deep down inside your heart, you know what is going on. If not, that is something you should work out with your lover.

I guess this is a silly message coming from a girl with a dating blog! But I definitely notice more stability in my life when I choose to stick to what I believe is real instead of what everyone else tells me. No doubt, there will still be times when advice is necessary, but in your personal life, not all votes are equal and none matter more than your own.

Namaste,
Queen Cleo

 

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Sometimes I like to ask people when the last time they cried was.

If you asked me that question my answer would be: last week. I  may be above average on the emotional side or I also have this theory that I suffer from over-productive tear glands… but that’s better than over-productive ovaries!

The Brad Paisley Pandora station or a strong conversation about my parents could bring a tear to my eye. Usually it is thoughts about people I love that I must let go of, for one reason or another, that release the flood gates.

Am I an emotional wreck? Not at all. I smile, laugh, and feel peace more often any other emotion. Sometimes I cry from happiness or because of how much love I see around and within me.

I do not expect many people to experience the same levels as I do because, as we know, I am quite exceptional. Don’t hate!

When it comes to dating, I’ve realized that one quality that really draws me into a man is his ability to feel pain. Please do not mistake this for an attraction toward soft, weak, girly men. I am not the kind of girl that wants to play mommy with my lover. I am a mix of weak and strong, so if you are not as strong as I am, we will have a problem.

However, a man that takes emotional, mental, or love-related risks and consciously deals with the repercussions is someone I could find interesting for a long time. One thing that would instantaneously cross a guy off my list is the practice of floating. Floating over heartache as if nothing happened, floating in the shallow end of conversation, floating through women as if lust was the most fulfilling aspect of life. Emptiness is contagious and I am not looking for the easy way out.

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” -Oliver Wilde

At first I was not sure of my opinion of this Oliver Wilde quote on the wall of Marquee Club in Las Vegas. I just thought it looked cool! Of course, you are entitled to your own interpretation, but to me this raises the idea that temptations, mistakes, failures, heart ache, etc. are not what hinder us. Instead, it is the inability to learn from and rid our lives of them that ultimately allows us to fall short of greatness.

If you are going through pain, do not shy away from feeling it. Embrace that other side of being human. If you are dating someone that floats above the ability to care, consider moving on. We are all fragile and need to be picky in what we feed ourselves. :)

To glutten-free dating,

Cleo

 

Whenever a man/boy/guy/gentleman/dude/douche offers to buy me something, there is always a little voice in the back of my mind that asks, “What will he require in return for this?”

Depending on how well I know the person and what the size of the gesture means to him, I will deduce an appropriate response.

For example, if a poor actor friend offers to take me to a fancy dinner, then I will take that as a grand gesture. On the flip side, if a super wealthy man offers to give me jewels and buy me designer clothes, I will take this as a medium, not-so-serious gesture and if a middle-class guy offers to get me Yogurtland, I will take this as a small gesture. (Offers are real and not fabricated.) Also, a good friend or coworker may not be thinking “SEX” if he buys me some drinks during a night out, but a stranger most likely will be. All of these factors influence my decisions.

Regardless, and I think I speak for most women, the following list are 10 things that women have the hardest time saying “No” to:

10. Would you like some cheesecake? My treat.

9. Would you like to skip the line and enter [insert venue name]  for free?

8. Would you like another skinny-girl margarita?

7. Would you like to go shopping and take my credit card?

6. Would you like me to talk about why all of the other girls around are not as pretty as you are?

5. Would you like some more bread? You are too skinny.

4. Would you like to watch a Ryan Gosling movie?

3. May I Instagram this photo of you and your friends?

2. Would you like to see other people while I patiently wait for you and only you?

1. May I please go down on you? ;)

Be careful of men that abuse our weaknesses! But giving in every once in awhile can be oh so much fun.

Have a playful weekend,

Cleo

Hot or Not?

Posted on: March 5, 2012

I do not know what part of the world you live in, but here in Los Angeles (greenhouse of the superficial) many people tend to pride themselves on meaningless things.

The obvious ones for women are breast size, engagement ring size, purse size, and lip size while puckering in photographs.

The obvious ones for men are number of dollars, number of women, number of “VIP” connections, and number of pull-ups accomplished at one time.

What seems to be a popular competition among both genders is number of hours worked.

All of these annoy me.

It is one thing to possess any of these traits because they fit into your lifestyle and who you are. It is quite another to flaunt them and believe that they make you important or entitled to special treatment as a superior human being.

What is the common denominator of all these characteristics? They are all surface level measurements. What you see is what you get (sometimes what you get is even less than what is advertised).

I am not blindly attracted to the superficial, super-rich, super-ripped, super-ladies men of the world.  The men I want to get to know are what the ancient Egyptians referred to as, “interesting.”

People with substance! People that surprise you by their intellect, values, wit, and personality. People that can teach you something that enriches your life. People that motivate you to become a better version of yourself. People that are fun to be around. People that are more than what they seem. (Of course, all of these things plus a hot physique is preferred.)

Ladies, is there anything more attractive than a hot and humble man? Or a financially stable man who is not flashy?

If all I did was work and talk about work, I would be afraid that people would notice that I am dull. Quite a few men I know that only work, drink beer, and repeat do not seem to notice that their lifestyle lacks any type of intrigue.

What does your daily life say about you? Are you obsessed with the way that you look yet completely neglect your inner self? There are so many meat heads in the world. What makes you different? Do you non-stop talk about your ex-relationships? Newsflash, no one will ever care as much as you do. Spare us some details.

The easiest way to tell if you are on Cleo’s Hot or Not list is by asking yourself these questions: Would you want to spend time with you? Is having a conversation with yourself fun and interesting? If you met someone just like you, would you think he/she is attractive?

If you are unsure of how to answer, then these are some things you could work on. Self improvement is an ongoing process! Do not just fill your life with meaningless things such as taking work home or going to a club. Become a person of interest and surround yourself with like-minded people.

Yours Truly,

Cleo

If I had a reality show, we could all watch the clip from a few nights ago of that-guy-at-the-bar-that-was-trying-too-hard… even the valet people outside felt sorry for him.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a thing for bartenders. I’m not even sure why, but my friends could vouch that this is in fact, true. Therefore, if I have the opportunity to eat dinner at a restaurant’s bar as a hot man leans over me to set down my utensils and take my order, I jump on it. It’s much easier to flirt when bartender-man is stuck behind a counter and I can “accidentally” stare at him all night.

This week, my girlfriend and I go to a new place for dinner and there are two lovey bar stools available, as if my Libra stars aligned and reserved them for us. I asked the man to the left if the seat was taken, because I wanted to be polite.

“Yes,” he said. “I was saving it for you.”

Eeerk. Stop there. Now if Ryan Gosling or his look-a-like said this, then no problem! Sign me up for this chair next to you. However,  that was not at all the case and instead sleep-deprived, lanky, overly-eager man who was probably a mathlete in high school made googly eyes at me and I felt dirty.

Thus, I sat my body as far right on my chair as possible to create the greatest amount of distance between us and slightly turned my back to him.

“Are you an actress?” I hear coming from my left. My mind literally debates if the restaurant is loud enough to where I could pretend I did not hear him. Unfortunately, it is not.

“No.” I wanted to stop at that but felt bad and added, “why did you think that?” and a half smile.

He goes on to explain that I give off an actress vibe because I am proper and sit up straight. I say, “Hmmm, that’s interesting,” and I tell him that I am a writer. However, what I am actually thinking is, I wonder if he can tell that I’m praying he stops talking. I turn away as soon as there is a lull, pretending I am thirsty.

conversation diversion

Saved to breathe another moment of silence. Until…

“So what name can I look for online when you become famous?”

I now have to turn a complete 180 to face him, since I was leaning as far away as physically feasible. I strain my neck and tell him how I go by Cleo online (holla!).

Long story short, I avoid further conversation and could not help but wonder how nice to would be if his friend next to him had the balls to say, “hey man, you’re wasting your time. She’s not interested.”

Too often friends stay quiet when they should take a stand and speak out! If your boy is making a fool of himself, save him. Wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

I know I definitely appreciate when my girlfriends warn me when I’m being too flirtatious! Sometimes in a social setting with a little liquid courage, the line between being playful and embarrassing can be a little blurry, at least for me.

There is a site floating around online called Comiingle, where you can help your friends with dating. This is the new way to approach dating online… kind of how unfriending someone on Facebook is the new way to stop dating someone without saying anything.

Comiingle is good because users can get a third, fourth, eighth, or twentieth opinion before having to go on that awkward blind date, meet that girl that used a picture from 10 years ago, or that guy that lied about his profession and income. Friends can also steer you clear of hazardous suitors.

Additionally, Comiingle gives you access to wing-men and wing-women! Despite my misfortune with bar stool neighbor, I was lucky that my girlfriend broke the ice with bartender-man and asked him his birthday so that we could figure out his zodiac sign (Cancer, btw). I was actually not going to spark conversation because I did not feel it was organic at the time and would have been forced. Thank goodness god invented wing-people to give us a shove in the right direction when we feel frozen.

Be a good friend and help your friends out with their dating woes when necessary, even when not asked. And use your resources! That is why Cleo, Comiingle, and all the other dating tools exist. We are here to help.

Mucho amor,

Cleonita

When I was in seventh grade, I heard a quote that arguably changed my life. Even to this day, there are times when I can not get it out of my head.

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Sure, talking about how much I dislike her outfit might help me release some tension or commenting on how creepy that man looked me up and down might help me get the image out of my mind, but what is ultimately accomplished?

And yes, I will listen when you tell me what you ate for lunch, how many hours you slept, or how long you talked on the phone to your sister, but what does this really teach us about each other (besides that your thoughts run shallow or that you’re afraid to open up)?

They say life is short, but when you are 24 years old and you feel like you have so much growing up to do, sometimes it feels overwhelmingly long. Life requires so much patience!

But then, when you think about how different life is now from one year, six months, or even two weeks ago, it is true that life goes by fast. My hair didn’t look this good a year ago! ;)

That is why I say screw the chit-chat!! If I have to spend one more date talking about work, college parties we went to, people in the industry you pretend to know, or the VIP hookups you have at clubs that honestly don’t matter, I am going to lock myself in my room and become a modern day Emily Dickinson. At least my poetry tickles my deep-idea bone.

If I freak you out because I want to talk about your greatest fears, the things that make you jealous, what qualities make you interesting and unique, what makes your heart ache, your ideas on the power of love, your passions, what you want to improve about yourself, and your honest opinion of your childhood, then so be it. I can not pretend to feel a connection to you because you have great taste in Italian food or because the last time you cried was 10 years ago. Tell me about the things in life that you would fight for. Tell me why I could learn more about myself by spending time with you. Give me a challenge.

We are different from the animals because we have emotion and intellect. Let’s act like it.

Here’s to being comfortable with our entire selves!

xx,

Cleo