Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’
The Perks to Having Secrets
Posted on: November 30, 2012
My favorite types of people have always been the ones that shock me. The more witty, insightful, wild, poetic, or vulgar you are… the more I probably like you. I possess an inherent dislike for all things boring. If you are not grabbing my attention, you are probably losing it. No wonder why I love the gays!
As with everything however, there must be a balance. Please do not shock me by how much you can talk, how rude you are, how bad you smell, or how many of my texts you can ignore. I tend to steer clear of the shockingly passive-aggressive or overly-argumentative people as well. I just want to have fun.
Even with all the ways in which you can get to know someone, it is still a challenge to deduce exactly what type of person a friend, lover, coworker, booty call, or neighbor may be. An individual may be fun and witty, but add two-faced and manipulative to the mix and I will put you in the trash pile. (Have you seen the TV show Hoarders? Bam! Here today, gone tomorrow).
We all go through phases and we all [are supposed to] grow up from time-to-time… Lord, do I know this! By no means do I expect perfection.
I am a person that likes to take career risks, love risks, and to embrace creative projects. I do not want to limit myself to a few skills or memories, I want many! As exciting as this is, it is almost just as fun to see how the people in my life respond.
When toying with an idea I am unsure of or debating whether or not to make a change in my life, there are definitely some people I can count on for endless support. There are others that will provide great perspective. There are some that will have virtually no input. However, it is always shocking to me to see who the negative, doubtful, and discouraging ones are.
This is when I decide that there are people I would rather just keep secrets from. I always feel obligated to be 100% honest when someone asks, “What’s new?” or, “How are things going?” I hate generic, one-word answers. BORING. I want to tell them exactly what is going in my mind, what new endeavors are happening, why I think I’m in love, and what my dream was about last night. Nonetheless, it is true that replacing my impulses responses with mundane answers such as, “Good, you?” are necessary at times.
This little open book is becoming more selective. Inclusion into the secret Cleo club is by invitation only.
I encourage you to be choosy in who you allow to participate in your inner life. Having secrets can be fun and can help keep you on track to happiness.
Sincerely Yours,
Cleo
In the spirit of politics, I first want to say congratulations to me (and you) for actually voting when I was planning on skipping the whole thing.
Here in the States our right to vote, speak our mind, and make a contribution to national decisions is on the Top 5 list of most important things… along with In-N-Out Burger.
But thank goodness that my personal life is not a democracy! I very much prefer being a dictator. How terribly annoying would it be to need to take a popular vote every time you had to make a major decision? Deciding on kale salad or chicken sandwich for lunch would take forever!
Ironically enough, I tend to involve an entire department of self-appointed officials to help me with certain areas of my life. These decisions are almost always about boys. Why do you think he did this? What would you do if you were me? Why did that other guy do this but he won’t even do half of that? And on and on… and on.
In addition to my selected staff of helpers, outside volunteers like to throw in their two cents as well. “He’s definitely just playing you.” Yikes!
As a Libra, I enjoy listening to varied opinions to see if I may be overlooking valid arguments. Give me all the facts and then I will make a decision. When I am feeling fragile, however, the negative opinions can really bring me down or I notice how I dismiss them altogether and instead have selective hearing of only the positive.
What is the solution? No one else will ever understand the dynamic between you and your sweetheart as well as you do. Sometimes an outsiders opinion can add valuable perspective, but if you are in a relationship or dating someone where honesty and communication exist, involving all of your friends and your mother will only complicate things. Deep down inside your heart, you know what is going on. If not, that is something you should work out with your lover.
I guess this is a silly message coming from a girl with a dating blog! But I definitely notice more stability in my life when I choose to stick to what I believe is real instead of what everyone else tells me. No doubt, there will still be times when advice is necessary, but in your personal life, not all votes are equal and none matter more than your own.
Namaste,
Queen Cleo
Are You Too “Busy” To Date?
Posted on: October 11, 2012
The busy-with-work excuse is the oldest in the book (once you move out of your parents’ house and the curfew excuse no longer applies).
However, in Los Angeles it seems that everyone is “busy.” We all have jobs, projects, and events. Every week there is a birthday party, premiere, or drinks with friends. When is there time for love?
The secret, behind the “I’m too busy at work” excuse, is the founding principle that we are all capable of making time when we really want to. Those of us that ignore what we really want and do not make time are royally missing out.
Thus, when someone says, “I am so busy with work right now,” in essence they are saying, “I am busy BUT I am also not sure if you are important enough for me to rearrange my schedule,” OR “I am busy BUT I am also playing hard to get to see if you are really interested in me.” For example, just because gluten-free bread is better for you and comes in cinnamon-raisin flavor does not mean you will instantly be convinced to switch out your wheat loaf! People need added motivation when life is so hustle and bustle.
In the world of dating, therein lies the importance of a great first impression. We all do not have enough time to determine interest in another person after five or six dates. Usually all we get is one or two, if we are lucky. However sometimes a great first impression is not enough. Suitable matches can still be overlooked or missed.
I feel blessed to meet a lot of great guys, often. Yet, a challenge to living in LA is the high number of options. You may workout, have a good sense of humor, and like to party, but so do a majority of people living in this city. What is it that makes you and I a better match?
At the beginning, no one knows the answer to this question. All we have is our instinct to guide us. If someone is using the “busy with work” excuse on you, forcing it and blowing up their phone is not going to work! Find a different approach or try having some patience. Things that progress slowly always end up a little better anyway. Instead of rushing that first kiss and half bumping your forehead into her cheek, just wait until the time is right.
I am definitely one of those busy people that makes time for what I want. I like my projects, friends, and spending time with myself. I also want to get to know new people but not to the point of flipping my life upside down or adding extra stress to my routine… until the time comes that I deem you exceptional and worthy!
One of my projects is my LA based mobile app prototype called cLeoGo. She is a social, location-based mobile website that connects venues to users in real-time (use internet explorer on your smartphone). Your social life radar for which bars, restaurants, and cafes are hottest right now. Check her out! This is not a review site and should be only used while you are out. Signing up is free and easy.
I am also running a contest for the month of October where the #1 cLeoGo user and #1 person to refer new users will receive a free, professional car service for 5 hours on Halloween night or any night the following weekend. Treat yourself and up to 3 friends to a VIP evening of spook and spunk.
Welcome to Fall, fall sweaters, falling in love, and falling for cLeoGo.
Love,
Cleo
One of my favorite past times is sweating. I love when I workout so hard that the sweat stings my eyes and drips into mouth and my shirt clings to my lower back like a sponge. This is purity in its highest form (second to abstinence, of course).
I have been cross-training and interval training for years. Intensity is a word that runs through my mind every time, whether or not I actually push to that level. What keeps me going when my body is hurting is the thought that I probably will not die, even though I feel like it.
Lately I have started to wonder, can your workout mentality leak into other areas of your life?
My theory is: yes.
Much like my exercise regimen, there are times that I tend to “go all out” in my love life and my work life. As if I only have 15 seconds left of spilt-squat jumps, I dig deep for that extra bit of patience, sweetness, ambition, discipline, compassion, or control until even my bones hurt. I ignore the pain and I keep plowing forward. I tell myself that I am not actually going to die.
Sometimes this is good. We all know that getting out of your comfort zone is the only way to accelerate growth.
However, sometimes this is bad. If we push too far past our limit we may sprain our ankle or dislocate our shoulder, in the emotional sense. This can be illustrated by the times when we try to make others jealous on purpose, get too drunk and make inappropriate phone calls, completely lose our sense of judgement, lash out in anger, get moody, get anxious and cry, stir the drama pot, or anything else that could get you casted on a Reality TV show.
Although I may be addicted to that climactic feeling when you finally reach the top of that steep hill in spin class, pushing this hard in your personal life is not sustainable. What is better is to remain consistent.
Taking steps toward your career goals or finding the love of your life is more similar to running a marathon than doing single-leg blurpies. Being ready and then giving up and then being ready and then giving up again is not healthy for any party involved. That is why going slow is always better. Give your endurance some time to build. Let things flow naturally like a pleasant dance and do less forcing.
September will be the month of casting my cares. Will you join me?
Namaste,
Cleo
The Pie of Beautiful
Posted on: August 21, 2012
I really like pumpkin pie and banana cream pie. I’m not too into apple pie or pecan pie.
Regardless, I am always sad when my dessert of choice is gone. The sweetness never lasts long enough! I am not ashamed of licking my plate.
Even sharing dessert can sometimes be challenging for me. It is a hard life that I lead.
Whether or not you share in the same struggle of mastering your sweet tooth as I do, we are all lucky that things like beauty and success do not come in pie form. Otherwise Ashton Kutcher and the Olsen Twins would rule the world.
Many people act like they do not realize this to be true. I find that I have fewer and fewer friends because so many girls get catty and judgmental and so many people in general would rather see you fail and struggle then succeed. As a newbie to the world of entrepreneurship, one of the rules of growth is to be careful with whom you share your ideas with. Haters bring negativity and no one taking a risk needs any extra doses of doubt.
Beautiful women are often harsh with other beautiful women because of competition. The fight for attention, perks, stature, or the feeling of self-worth fuel the seeds of jealousy and contempt. But let’s be honest ladies, it is not the other beautiful face that is making you look bad, it is your attitude.
The world would be a sweeter place if we could all remember that the best things in life are not limited by a pie sheet. There is a limitless amount of beauty, strength, charisma, and love to go around. I prefer to surround myself with the best of the best because it inspires me to be more tomorrow than what I am today. The narrow-minded can stay home.
If your thoughts are limited to a 12 inch circle, it is not too late to break free. When you do, you can join my club.
Yours Truly,
Cleo
Whenever a man/boy/guy/gentleman/dude/douche offers to buy me something, there is always a little voice in the back of my mind that asks, “What will he require in return for this?”
Depending on how well I know the person and what the size of the gesture means to him, I will deduce an appropriate response.
For example, if a poor actor friend offers to take me to a fancy dinner, then I will take that as a grand gesture. On the flip side, if a super wealthy man offers to give me jewels and buy me designer clothes, I will take this as a medium, not-so-serious gesture and if a middle-class guy offers to get me Yogurtland, I will take this as a small gesture. (Offers are real and not fabricated.) Also, a good friend or coworker may not be thinking “SEX” if he buys me some drinks during a night out, but a stranger most likely will be. All of these factors influence my decisions.
Regardless, and I think I speak for most women, the following list are 10 things that women have the hardest time saying “No” to:
10. Would you like some cheesecake? My treat.
9. Would you like to skip the line and enter [insert venue name] for free?
8. Would you like another skinny-girl margarita?
7. Would you like to go shopping and take my credit card?
6. Would you like me to talk about why all of the other girls around are not as pretty as you are?
5. Would you like some more bread? You are too skinny.
4. Would you like to watch a Ryan Gosling movie?
3. May I Instagram this photo of you and your friends?
2. Would you like to see other people while I patiently wait for you and only you?
1. May I please go down on you? ;)
Be careful of men that abuse our weaknesses! But giving in every once in awhile can be oh so much fun.
Have a playful weekend,
Cleo
Do Not Binge and Purge Your Ego
Posted on: June 13, 2012
One of my best friends always supports me no matter what I do. If I want to drunk text, she supports me. If I want to eat a hamburger, she supports me while also participating. If I want a spray tan, she supports me. If I want to throw a singles mixer without any experience, she supports me. If I want to curl up in a ball and cry or if I want to dance on a pole, she supports me.
Much like cheesecake, if something yummy is in front of me, then I am going to eat it up until there is nothing left. I love support! My ego smiles.
I have other friends that tell it like it is (or as they see it). If it was socially acceptable, they would probably slap me across the face for all the times I let my emotions and fantasies of love get the better of me. They tell me when I am thinking too much, when I need to move on, when I say stupid things, or when my dress is too tight. They tell me when a guy is not into me when all I want to do is make excuses for him. These friends also play devil’s advocate on my business ideas and ask questions that make me sweat (hypothetically… girls don’t sweat).
These friends are the protein powder of my life. My ego does not crave or actively enjoy this treatment, but it is necessary for me to grow strong life, love, and dating muscles.
Most of my friends, however, just feel my pain and share in my joy. They are the staple, margarita pizza of my life.
Too much of one or too little of the other, and I would be a crazy mess… even more than I already am! The binge and purge method is not healthy. Having a well balanced support system and wide spectrum of opinions creates a good life diet. Cosmopolitan Magazine and horoscope compatibility charts do not have all the answers, as much as I love both strategies. However, if you are going to heavily rely on one source, Cleo is probably your best bet.
If you are open-minded to different ways of thinking and willing to adjust some of your old habits, then you may discover the ancient tradition of maturation.
Goddess Love,
Cleo
The Mud Run of Love
Posted on: June 12, 2012
I grew up as an athlete and still carry the same “hard-core” mentality to this day. I do not claim to sit at the top of the bad-ass pyramid, however I dabble in my fair share of physical challenges and can keep up with some of the best.
Despite the half-marathons, ocean swims, and Equinox circuit workouts, the concept of a Mud Run has always interested me. What is not fun about getting dirty and tackling people? Or maybe hiking a mountain would be fun (but only with a guarantee of zero snake encounters). I have other friends that enjoy rock climbing, riding motorcycles, running ultramarathons, or going on wacky juice diets.
As much as I understand the appeal of a good challenge, I can not help but wonder if maybe we are all crazy. Life is already one huge obstacle course! What sense is there in adding MORE?
Living in LA has many challenges of its own. I plan my schedule around rush hour traffic, know that discovering street parking is close to a miracle, find that most people are rude unless trying to get something out of you, frequenting trendy bars and restaurants gets pricey, and most of the hottest men are gay.
Sculpting the body you want is a challenge. Getting over your first love is a challenge. Smiling while at work is a challenge. Being an entrepreneur is a challenge.
Not to mention that DATING is one huge challenge.
So why do we even try? Why don’t we all just eat brown rice and chicken, walk around the block, watch TV, and live alone forever?
Oprah would not accept this of you. This is not living! Being safe and mechanical is a waste of your amazing human brain.
So I am going to stop watching the Mud Run of Love from the sidelines. I am going to stop running circles on the treadmill of the same men. (Can I get an amen?) I am coming out of my dating comma even if that means I need to start online dating, hitting on guys at the gym, burning incense, or praying.
I am currently accepting blind date proposals from trusted sources.
Good luck to you!
Cleo
Follow me on Instagram! @cleoheartsyou
Trying Too Hard
Posted on: February 2, 2012
If I had a reality show, we could all watch the clip from a few nights ago of that-guy-at-the-bar-that-was-trying-too-hard… even the valet people outside felt sorry for him.
For as long as I can remember, I have had a thing for bartenders. I’m not even sure why, but my friends could vouch that this is in fact, true. Therefore, if I have the opportunity to eat dinner at a restaurant’s bar as a hot man leans over me to set down my utensils and take my order, I jump on it. It’s much easier to flirt when bartender-man is stuck behind a counter and I can “accidentally” stare at him all night.
This week, my girlfriend and I go to a new place for dinner and there are two lovey bar stools available, as if my Libra stars aligned and reserved them for us. I asked the man to the left if the seat was taken, because I wanted to be polite.
“Yes,” he said. “I was saving it for you.”
Eeerk. Stop there. Now if Ryan Gosling or his look-a-like said this, then no problem! Sign me up for this chair next to you. However, that was not at all the case and instead sleep-deprived, lanky, overly-eager man who was probably a mathlete in high school made googly eyes at me and I felt dirty.
Thus, I sat my body as far right on my chair as possible to create the greatest amount of distance between us and slightly turned my back to him.
“Are you an actress?” I hear coming from my left. My mind literally debates if the restaurant is loud enough to where I could pretend I did not hear him. Unfortunately, it is not.
“No.” I wanted to stop at that but felt bad and added, “why did you think that?” and a half smile.
He goes on to explain that I give off an actress vibe because I am proper and sit up straight. I say, “Hmmm, that’s interesting,” and I tell him that I am a writer. However, what I am actually thinking is, I wonder if he can tell that I’m praying he stops talking. I turn away as soon as there is a lull, pretending I am thirsty.
conversation diversion
Saved to breathe another moment of silence. Until…
“So what name can I look for online when you become famous?”
I now have to turn a complete 180 to face him, since I was leaning as far away as physically feasible. I strain my neck and tell him how I go by Cleo online (holla!).
Long story short, I avoid further conversation and could not help but wonder how nice to would be if his friend next to him had the balls to say, “hey man, you’re wasting your time. She’s not interested.”
Too often friends stay quiet when they should take a stand and speak out! If your boy is making a fool of himself, save him. Wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?
I know I definitely appreciate when my girlfriends warn me when I’m being too flirtatious! Sometimes in a social setting with a little liquid courage, the line between being playful and embarrassing can be a little blurry, at least for me.
There is a site floating around online called Comiingle, where you can help your friends with dating. This is the new way to approach dating online… kind of how unfriending someone on Facebook is the new way to stop dating someone without saying anything.
Comiingle is good because users can get a third, fourth, eighth, or twentieth opinion before having to go on that awkward blind date, meet that girl that used a picture from 10 years ago, or that guy that lied about his profession and income. Friends can also steer you clear of hazardous suitors.
Additionally, Comiingle gives you access to wing-men and wing-women! Despite my misfortune with bar stool neighbor, I was lucky that my girlfriend broke the ice with bartender-man and asked him his birthday so that we could figure out his zodiac sign (Cancer, btw). I was actually not going to spark conversation because I did not feel it was organic at the time and would have been forced. Thank goodness god invented wing-people to give us a shove in the right direction when we feel frozen.
Be a good friend and help your friends out with their dating woes when necessary, even when not asked. And use your resources! That is why Cleo, Comiingle, and all the other dating tools exist. We are here to help.
Mucho amor,
Cleonita
The Benefits of Insecurity
Posted on: January 20, 2012
I am so glad that I used to be really insecure. (key words: used to be).
When I was a kid, I was super skinny. My ribs showed, I had no arm mass, I had the smallest calves, I had no boobs (which I still don’t. I always did have a booty, though). Before I got braces, my teeth were messed up. I had a huge gap and a severe over-bite. My fashion sense consisted of only the plainest jeans and t-shirts. Plus, I was extremely shy! The slightest bit of attention from any boy, even the most unattractive, would make me blush. I hated speaking in front of groups, small or large. I avoided mirrors because I did not like what I saw. I did not like the sound of my voice. I had chubby cheeks. I was not the smartest in class. I was not the most popular. Boys did not try to kiss me under the bleachers. I was not Homecoming Queen. I got embarrassed easily. I could not do a cart-wheel. I played the clarinet.
I honestly was not a fan of myself. I envied characteristics of many other people and would often get lost in lavishly detailed daydreams. My imagination was my escape.
Although I did not believe them, I still got some compliments. However, most were from my parents and I always just figured that was what parents were supposed to do. And for some reason, some boys did have crushes on me but I was so deathly shy that I acted super cold and bitchy and would always ignore them.
But, every girl wants to feel pretty. One day I decided that I wanted to feel pretty. I was going to figure out how to make myself believe that.
Practicing in the mirror, what I discovered was that I am most pretty when I smile. I am most pretty when I am happy. I am most pretty when my personality bursts out my pupils. This was a very great discovery.
To this day, I still stand by the belief that true beauty comes from within.
Today, despite my gorgeous face and rockin body, I am a personality person. The main reason why I get noticed is because of my personality and the only reason I believe that I can have any man in the world is because of my intellect. To quote a friend, personality people get better with time and age. And what a relief that is because Botox looks like it hurts!
So I say, thank god that I used to be insecure. If I never figured out that wit, charm, confidence, contagious energy, and wisdom are more important than how tan my skin is or how expensive my purse is, I would not have a chance against all the Barbie doll, supermodel, airbrushed, hair-done, Christian Louboitin-wearing, women that are my competition. Thank god I used to be a huge dork.
With warm hugs,
Cleo
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